Friday, January 1, 2010

Most eventful decade of my life, and my first decade as an adult.

Well, all the blogs (or most) I have read have been remembering the year (month by month) or even going as far as remembering the decade. I decided I would "follow the herd" (an old saying my grandfather used to say to us.....but he always said don't follow.....I digress).

Personally, as I look back now, I have had some major sh*t happen in my life during this decade!

2000: I was 20 years old, I worked 12 hour shifts at a vehicle mixing center as the "Operations Clerk." I continued to date a major loser who cheated non-stop, ignored, and abused me. I got my first place, it was a duplex, it was not the best, but it was clean and nice, and the best part, MINE. Got my first dog that was all mine her name was HOLLYWOOD, she was the greatest! I raised her from 5 weeks old, she was my "first child!" We were inseperable.

2001: The big 21! Met an older guy off the internet, started dating him (sporadically), learned he was married months later. Also continued seeing the the loser so he could continue to make me feel worthless. Got a new job with "State Government" took a slight pay cut, but had better benefits, was closer to home, and normal work hours. Moved in with said loser to be further humiliated and abused. The neighbor to loser shot and killed her because she escaped from me and crossed over onto his property, I was devastated. I buried her on losers propery, had a tombstone made (during this time loser was out with his ex gf and had no concern for my situation).

2002: Met a new guy....dated for a few months until he dumped me, then went back with loser, started having lots of health problems, declared infertile, high blood pressure, insulin resistance, continued weight gain...... At the end of this year I had to have my gallbladder removed. I had always been heavy throughout my life, but at this point in my life my weight had soared to 369 pounds....Yes you read that right! Moved into my own place again.

2003: At 23 my life changed drastically. I had the gastric bypass surgery in October, by the close of this year, I had lost over 100 pounds.

2004: In May I met a new guy (Satan). I fell madly in love and stopped seeing loser for good! Satan showered me with love and attention and lots of gifts! He was older than me (21 years) and he was at the end of a divorce. He told me he had finally found what he was looking for in life. He had tons of money, his own home, new vehicles, everything I could have ever dreamed of. I finally saw how love was really supposed to be...easy...and for the first time since I was 17 I didn't have to take care of myself. Moved in with Satan in a ring for Christmas (Past, Present, & Future). Got promoted and started a new job also in December.

2005: Spent the first 3 months decorating, painting, and re-doing my first real home.... As I finished the last room in March the house burned down! Nothing left but bricks and studs. Everything I ever owned in my life was destroyed. Moved in with Satan's parents (OMG).. Got proposed to in week later (April 30th) eloped to Tennessee and tied the knot. Inherited 4 step children ages at the time 25 (same as me), 24, 21, & 13. Learned how hard it is to be a parent to a live in 13 year old that wasn't mine. Had plastic surgery in June to remove some of the excess skin my body was left with after losing over 200 pounds. Moved back into house in July....It was so perfect, I got to pick everything. It was MY HOUSE, designed exactly how I wanted it! In October I had another plastic surgery for the remaining skin, had breast implants (seeing as I was left with NOTHING but hanging skin in their place).

2006: Got promoted again to an even better job, started January 1st. Started infertility pregnant by IVF March 1st. Started having horrible headaches. Baby's due date was November 22nd, had Miss Presley Nicole 5 weeks early on Ocotber 16th (5lbs 3oz., 16 inches long--she was tiny, but had a FULL head of hair)...Learned what it was like to really be a mother, and how much love you can feel for a child. Also found out what it was like to be exhausted and frustrated and scared to the point of tears, and I learned that 15 year old boys (stepson) can be very jealous and hateful towards a new baby. This year we also started going to chuch and I found a new exciting FAITH I had never experienced before. Satan & I started praying together as a couple, it was great!

2007: Returned to work after maternity leave. Stayed torn between work, baby, husband, and my whole less was full of guilt. Missed 3 periods, took 3 pregnancy test that all came back negative, found out by blood test from the doctor in early May that I was pregnant AGAIN! And was already getting ready to start my second trimester!! Continued to have the horrible headaches (which doctors told me would go away after pregnancy was over)! Gained a ton of weight, craved everything salty, stayed swollen! Had several pre-labor scares starting at 16 weeks--lasted the whole time. Mister Dylan Justice was born 6 weeks early on October 11th (5 days before Miss Presley turned 1, so she had no 1st bday party) he was 4 lbs. 9oz, 17 inches--he was tiny too....but also had a full head of hair! I learned what it was like to have a sick child....he was so early he couldn't breathe on his own and he had to stay in the NICU for 12 long days. I also learned the ugly truth about Post Partum Depression and how dangerous it can be for 2 infants......and how women who normally have it together can now go a week without showering, and can not want to be near either of their children. I also learned a new and more deep sense of exhaustion, and finally learned how to put Miss Priss to bed and close the door and let her CIO (cry it out) when she was 14 months old and getting up more often than the 3 month old. This year I also had my tubes tied to prevent any more unexpected blessings!!!!

2008: Again returned to work at the first of the new year. Had my wisdom teeth removed. Left work the last day of January on medical leave to give into my PPD. Staying home at this time with 2 infants 24/7 was not the best idea. Slept the days away, wallowed in my own self pity and filth! Went deeper and deeper into the BLACK HOLE of depression! It consumed me. In June of this year I had enough and returned to work. Found out in July that Satan had been having an "emotional affair" with the town's only hair stylist. Moved out, into a small house with the 2 babies, felt a sense of empowerment for the first time since childbirth. Went back to Satan in the middle of August after he begged and promised for 6 weeks. Quit my job at the end of August upon Satan's request (so we could work on our family). Had a great 2 months, felt like we were on the right track, finally. Went to our "preacher" for some counciling. A few months later after I left work, again I fell into a deep depression! Found out in December that Satan had started a romantic, physical affair with the gas station attendant. Packed up his clothes and put them outside. Cried for weeks......Lost 40 pounds in less than 3 weeks. Couldn't eat or sleep. Continued to have the horrible headaches. OOps did I forget to mention that my aunt died the day after Thanksgiving (my favorite and closest aunt) November 28. And my Mamaw (practically raised me) died one month to the day later December 28! I could say this was the worst year of my life....unless since it was so close to 2009--we can consider it the worst?

2009: In January, I met my new and current BF at Wal-Mart (feeling unusually brave I left a note on his truck, he called). We talked on the phone all night that night. Went out with him the next night. Have spent every day since then together. In February I moved out of my home with the babies. Spent the next 4-6 weeks staying wherever we could (no job or money at this time), started getting child support in March. Got a place to live in March, found a bigger and better place in May (moved again, and we are still here). All this year I have been trying to get over Satan, trying to make a new life.....Have continued to talk to him off and on (whenever he will give me the time of day). Went to court off and on. In September I was awarded "maintenance" which is alimony in KY. I took a tax class....which I later learned was for the company's way to gain business, and nothing ever came of it. Have decided to go back to school (since I can't find a job). I have also experienced the "terrible two" stage with the little girl, funny thing, one day she snapped out of it, now guess what? little boy picked up right where she left off, so now we have another year dealing with him!! Sometimes I want to RUN AWAY, but I am still here. I am the only thing stable my kids have ever known, and I want to keep it that way!!!!

OK, so this is what has been going on with me in the last 10 years. Between 2002-2008 I had 6 surgeries and 2 babies! In 2008 I lost the 3 most important people in my life all at the end of the year (all 3 within 1 month) My aunt, my Husband, and my Mamaw. I have grown (and shrunk, LOL) a lot.....made some mistakes, still make more mistakes......yet some mistakes never seem to teach me what they should!!!

Here is to wishing 2010-2020 is a better decade.....I am hoping my 30's will prove to teach me even more. And with that wisdom, maybe I can settle into a "life" I am happy with. I have learned one important lesson.....The only thing you can expect is that everything changes with time, nothing is ever a guarantee.
Expect the worst, but hope for the best!!!!!!!
I hope you all have continued or even better happiness than the day before!

Tomorrow I may borrow some questions I have seen others answer, and take a stab at looked like fun!


  1. Sounds like you have had quite the decade! Sorry it's been so rough, I hope good things start coming your way in 2010!

  2. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and for the nice comments! I too have noticed how much we have in common! blogging has been the most wonderful outlet for me as have the friends i've met here. without it, i don't think i'd have survived the postpartum, which drove me to run off with the baby for a night. (i did come home. turns out you can't run away from yourself! though i tried.) i made fast friends with Zoloft and it got better. i'm sorry for all you've been through. your weightloss journey sounds amazing and brave. i hope and pray for good things for you and your family in 2010!

  3. You had a rough decade, this one is bound to be better! I went through similar hubby/kid issues in the 90s, ending up with three children, all fifteen months apart. The first decade of 2000 had its ups and down, but ended beautifully and I'm hoping for an even better new decade!

  4. Hi,
    Don't know how i ended up on your blog but i did.
    Interesting decade you've had, at least the way you tell it :)
    You would think with all the bs people go through that people would learn to be more considerate to others, seems like the opposite is true though. No shortage of people around to give you a good kicking when you are down or on the way back up lol
    To continue this joyous line of thought, i like the fact that making things better seems to be the common factor in your "story". You dealt with weight issues, relationship issues, beter jobs school etc.
    Someone once said" sometimes you have to walk through a lot of shit to get where you are going."
    If no one actually said that then they should have.
    Anyway... well done. Hope this year and decade taste sweeter to you and your family.

    Regards Frank in the UK

    After thought: maybe i should start a blog instead of leaving this inceredibly long comment on your blog lol


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