I know I haven't posted in a long time.....over a week actually, but I have been sick. I did however read everyone else's posts every day, I just didn't have it in me to post anything.....I hate that everything I have to say is always a DRAG, and nothing feels good or right in my life!!
I was feeling the better for a while though when I went over 2 weeks without speaking to the King of the underworld, aka Satan. I felt liberated, positive, and even happy with the new bf.... Then one day like I knew would happen, my family flaked out on me, and I had to face him and drop the babies off, and that is all it takes....to make my world crumble again, and again, and again! And then the depression starts back up, and I just go through the motions of this life, and just try to get through it, instead of actually participating in it, which I hate myself for!!
I am hoping to get to the point one day where I don't love or hate him, I feel nothing at all. And when I get there I will rejoice!
I went to sign up for school last week.... I am hoping that I can get some grants so I can actually go.... if not I will never be able to afford it, and I don't want to be in debt $40-50 K for an education at this point of my life. I have to go talk to the "financial advisors" tomorrow at 10, so I am hoping for good news where they tell me I can go for free (well maybe not free, but close to that would be nice). I have a few credits from where I went to this same school before about 10 years ago, so I will be able to apply those which will shorten my time:)