My ex-husband passed away last night. It happened around 1:30 a.m. He was hit by 2 cars, while walking down the road. The doctors/surgeons/nurses/and staff worked on him for over an hour.... He got a pulse back 4 times, but finally the injuries consumed him.
I am sort of in shock right now! I can not accept that he is gone, I am afraid it will kill me.
How do you tell a 3 and 4 year old that their Daddy is gone forever? How will they ever know him the way that he used to be? Back before the drugs, when he loved us so much, when he doted on them and said how they were the 2 most beautiful babies he had ever seen? How will they ever know? How will I ever live with myself after all the bad things I said?
He said to me once, not too long ago, "If anything ever happens to me, will you tell them babies how much their Daddy loved them, will you tell them good things about me, do you promise?" I promised him I would. I promised him I would tell them about the man I once knew, all the good things we shared.
Anytime I ever asked him what was the best day of his life he would say, "the day Miss Priss was born, because things were so good back then."
I just want him to come back. I want all this to be some kind of awful joke. I want to wake up from this nightmare.
I have had a few spells here and there, but honestly, I don't think it has hit me yet. I packed his boots, a hat, and a bag of cut up clothes out of the hospital tonight..... It is the most awful feeling ever.
P.S. If any of you have anything negative to say, don't. I can't handle it. This was my husband, and is the father of my kids. He deserves some respect now that he is gone.