Saturday, January 29, 2011

just as expected....

So many things going on around here....

Tuesday we had his "visitation."
Wedesday, the funeral.

I told the babies.... They don't really understand....
Baby girl has said, "I want to go to Heaven right now so I can be with my Daddy."
Little man said, "We will see him one day in Heaven. When I see my Daddy I am going to hug him on his face."

They CONSTANTLY talk about their Daddy. Saying they miss him, love him, etc. They ask me why I am sad, or why I cry because Daddy is in Heaven. I have kept it simple, no details. Every night before bed we all look up to the sky and wave and talk to him. They feel like he is watching over them, which I think helps to comfort them.

And as always, there is DRAMA! The new wife has filed a wrongful death suit. Of course we all saw that coming. If she can make one last dollar off of him it will be all the better for her. She sent her lawyer here to get me to sign something. He said it was on behalf of my kids, BUT it was really a paper that would get me to waive my rights, so they could proceed to settle his estate (half of which I remain listed on as owner). They don't realize that I AM NOT STUPID!

His oldest 2 sons are going around to all his farms stealing anything and everything they can get their hands on to sell, pawn, or use as scrap (to sell at the scrap yard).

His oldest daughter has started a law suit of her own. Every which way I turn someone is trying to make a profitt from his death.

Since we were in the process of settling our divorce, my name was never removed from the deed or mortgage of the farm we lived on. I have every right to EVICT her! Guess what I am going to do today?? Yep, I am going to hand deliver an eviction notice to her. I refuse to let her sit there in that house that the bank is going to hold ME responsible for! The only bad thing? I have to give her 30 days:(

The bank is going to come and take it all anyway because he was so far in debt... So it isn't as if I am going to gain anything from still being on the property.... I will just be able to remove her (which is satisfaction enough!).

He had some life insurance, which still had her name on it. She gets half, my kids get the other half. I have no idea how much it is, but it doubles because it was an accident. She has said "when I get my check I am out of here."

My kids will get a really awesome amount of social security benefits every month until they are 18. So that is a good thing. It is more than double what I should have gotten in child support...

For every cloud there is a silver lining. I am hoping this cloud will have one too. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers......

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Bad news.....

My ex-husband passed away last night. It happened around 1:30 a.m. He was hit by 2 cars, while walking down the road. The doctors/surgeons/nurses/and staff worked on him for over an hour.... He got a pulse back 4 times, but finally the injuries consumed him.
I am sort of in shock right now! I can not accept that he is gone, I am afraid it will kill me.
How do you tell a 3 and 4 year old that their Daddy is gone forever? How will they ever know him the way that he used to be? Back before the drugs, when he loved us so much, when he doted on them and said how they were the 2 most beautiful babies he had ever seen? How will they ever know? How will I ever live with myself after all the bad things I said?

He said to me once, not too long ago, "If anything ever happens to me, will you tell them babies how much their Daddy loved them, will you tell them good things about me, do you promise?" I promised him I would. I promised him I would tell them about the man I once knew, all the good things we shared.

Anytime I ever asked him what was the best day of his life he would say, "the day Miss Priss was born, because things were so good back then."

I just want him to come back. I want all this to be some kind of awful joke. I want to wake up from this nightmare.

I have had a few spells here and there, but honestly, I don't think it has hit me yet. I packed his boots, a hat,  and a bag of cut up clothes out of the hospital tonight..... It is the most awful feeling ever.

P.S. If any of you have anything negative to say, don't. I can't handle it. This was my husband, and is the father of my kids. He deserves some respect now that he is gone.