Thursday, November 25, 2010

Let the Madness begin!!!

It is 11:19 p.m..
I am sitting patiently by the computer waiting for the clock to strike midnight.
At midnight Wal-Mart starts their "Black Friday" sales (on some things, all electronics don't go on sale until 5:00 a.m.).
I am going to try and buy some on sale toys for the kids... I haven't decided yet whether I will get them a Leapster 2 (geared directly towards 4-8 year olds... But I am still not sure if they are old enough at age 3 and 4 to understand it, or be able to use it??) OR maybe I will just get them a Nintendo DS because the games are on sale for really cheap (and I already have one DS (I used to play myself) so I would only have to buy 1) but again, I don't know if any of the games would be age appropriate?? WHO KNOWS!!

I REFUSE to actually go to Wal-Mart and fight those evil, nasty, wall to wall crowds. I think I would surely have a panic attack, and be trampled to death.... Or worse, end up in a knock down/drag out fist fight and leave bleeding (without anything, LOL)...

It is just not in me, to be in that kind of mass hysteria (in order to save a couple hundred dollars). I can barely be around people under normal circumstances, lol. So, if I can't get it online, I just don't get it.

*I did however put an order in... My sister is supposedly going to get my kids a trampoline (I gave her the money) for $165 dollars, which is a killer deal. It is 14 ft. and has a safety enclosure... Let's hope she SCORES or my little people will be bounce-less!!!!

I don't understand how people either get up before daylight and drag themselves out into public (but again, I don't do crowds, and I am NOT A MORNING PERSON) OR they stay up all night shopping. My sister is starting at Wal-Mart at midnight, and get this, she is "making a night of it." She and her friend will be going from store to store... then eventually wind back up at Wal-Mart at 5:00 a.m. to continue the search for bargains. It is crazy.

Anyblackfridaymadness, we had a pretty good Turkey Day... Food turned out good, I cooked like I always do, people ate, hung around for a few hours, then drifted off, one car load at a time. Typical Thanksgiving.

What are you guys doing for Black Friday?? Do any of you go out and fight the crowd? And if so, what do you buy? I would LOVE to hear all about it, since I have only been 1 time, the very first year it started:) All those years ago, my friend bought 2 VCR'S for $60 a piece (that tells you how long ago it was, ROFL. No one would ever be caught dead buying a VCR these days! HA!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A good recipe!!

This is the Cornbread recipe from a restaurant that is around here called deSha's... These little loaves are AWESOME when they are hot and dripping with butter. (I will post a pic after I find my camera battery charger *SIGH)

Mix all the ingredients together, bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes in a 9X13 pan...
I use the mini loaf pan  which is like a muffin pan, it has 8 loaves instead of 12 muffins (it makes 24 little loaves!).

Saturday, November 20, 2010

I live in the Twilight Zone.....que the creepy background music!

I am constantly amazed by Satan's actions, and the things he says and does, that I feel no one else in their right mind would ever do! On Monday he tells me he needs a sitter on his days too... Tuesday he asks me what I found out (by way of sitter)... Then Wednesday (after I tell the sitter I need her 5 days a week) he says that he is going to keep them with him this winter since work is slow and money is tight. (so now I have to make different arrangements with the new sitter, AND I will have to pay more for part time! People charge more because my kids will be taking up space that could be used for full time child(ren), and they are losing money!!! But he doesn't care what I have to do as long as all is right in his world)... And I almost choked on my Dt. Mt. Dew, over what he said in the next conversation....

Him: "Well, Satan's Mistress (his now wife) said she will watch them for you for $30. a day...
Me: (unable to speak, he keeps saying, hello, hello, are you there)... "Are you smoking crack, seriously? Have you been hitting the pipe? That is crazy sh*t you have ever said, I don't hardly think so!"
Him: Did you just ask me if I smoked crack? She is trying to do YOU a favor, blah, blah, blah
Me: (trying to bow out gracefully at this point, cause he obviously doesn't get it the other way) I appreciate the offer, really I do, but I don't think I will need her. If I change my mind, I will let you know. (wouldn't that be STUPID to PAY him and his wife to watch his own kids? Couldn't he have said, "Oh, well it is slow during winter, I wouldn't mind spending that time with them.")
Him: Well, it will all be ok, Cowboy (what he sarcastically calls the BF) can bring them here and drop them off, he can even pull all the way up to the door and step inside the house... She used to make him coffee every morning and there was never a problem (*remember she worked at the gas station in town, that is where she met Satan, also, BF used to go through there every morning as well to get coffee). I am thinking, yeah, and she gave you coffee and LOTS more than that, didn't she? I don't think so!!!
Me: (dying to hang up the phone and go PUKE!) Well, tell her I appreciate it, and I will let you know. But I probably won't need her, it takes too long to get there, it isn't on our way to work/school, etc.
Him: Well, let me know ahead of time.
Me: Oh I will, I have to go.
I hang up....

Thursday: He calls, Him: "So do you know when Satan's Mistress is going to start babysitting?"
Me: I told you I would let you know if I need her.
Him: Well, if they are coming here, we have to go to the store to get some stuff, so I have to know ahead of time.
Me: ok, I will tell you if I need you. I am off school for a while anyway, so they will be with me.
Him: Well, let me know.
Me: Ok, BYE! (Mistriss' 6 year old was removed from their house, so she now has supervised visits with her own child!! I bet I PAY her to watch mine!!!! He is such an idiot for even pushing this!)

I hang up. I am praying he gets the Fucking hint and drops it! He knows me well enough to know this isn't going to happen, and that he knows when I am trying to get out of something...

Tonight: He calls, Him: What days are going to need Satan's Mistress to babysit next week?
Me: Um, I told you I would let you know, remember? I am off school, I don't need her.
Him: So you are off school next week and the week after?
Me: (I lie just to buy myself some time) Yes, I won't need anyone for at least 2 more weeks, and my schedule will be different this time, they will probably just stay with me anyway.
Him: Well, just tell me a day or two before you need her.
Me: OKAY! I promise, if I ever need her to babysit I will call you and let you know.
Him: Ok, because we will have to go to the store and get some stuff, she said she would watch them WHENEVER you need her to, just let her know. (he always says the same SH*T every time he calls, I get tired of hearing him rambling on and on, when I have heard it already)
Me: OKAY! I sure will.
Him: Oh yeah, and the days I have them, she will be watching them too.
Me: Alright, you already told me that anyway, it is your days, you can do whatever you want.
Him: And since Cowboy used to go to Karen's to pick them up everyday, he can just come here to get them.
Me: No, he doesn't feel comfortable coming there, you can meet me in town, or bring them home.
Him: There is no sense in putting them in a car seat twice, he can just come here, we won't bite him. It isn't that far (it is at least 15 minutes past Karen's, 15 minutes back! plus I HATE that he thinks BF is afraid of him, tries to push him around because he is quiet and laid back).
Me: I don't think that is a good idea.... Can't you just meet him somewhere, or bring them home? You are the one changing the plan (we used to just pick them up from Karen's so we didn't have to look at him)
Him: Well, if he picks them up here on Tuesday, we will come to your house and pick them up on Sunday.
Me: I don't know Satan, Everything is all screwed up now. I don't know what to do. (this is a prime example of how he acts/how he won't shut up until he gets what he wants/his way)
Him: Oh, well Satan's Mistress says she can drop them off for you at your house on Tuesdays, on her way to pick her kid up from school at 3:00.
Me: Well, I am normally not home at 3:00... (note: I would rather DIE than have to look at her/speak to her/be within miles of her)
Him: Well, she said she could drop them off after she picks the kids up, at 4:30.
Me: We will see, I don't know what I will be doing those days... I need to think about things.
Him: She said you can call her on Tuesdays and tell her to drop them off at 3 or 4:30. (there is NO WAY IN HELL I would EVER under any circumstances, call her!)
Me: Ok, whatever, I will talk to you about it later... (I am now wanting to puke, cry, hide, die, anything to get out of this mess! I hate this woman... I don't want to be her friend, I damn sure don't need her to do me any FAVORS, I don't want her coming to my house, I don't want BF going there, but Satan will not shut up about it!!!! I don't even want her watching them, or driving them around, between them, they have wrecked over 10 times in the past 6 months from being high on drugs!! Fuck me running!!)
I hang up..........

Someone PLEASE tell me what to do here. It is like he can stroll in/out of their lives whenever he feels like it, change the rules whenever he feels like it, manipulate us until we do what he says.... It is never ending!!
I paraphrased our conversations, he normally repeats himself at least 5 times per each sentence he says! He has gotten worse sense he got on "the drugs." Mistriss' 6 year old was removed from their house, so she now has supervised visits with her own child!! I bet I PAY her to watch mine!!!!

P.S. Here is a picture from the day I drove past their house.... Their truck was buried in a tree about a half mile from their house (and they had abandoned the vehicle with the engine running, wipers swishing, radio on, no one was anywhere near it, whoever was driving RAN... if Satan gets in one more wreck or caught driving he will be in jail). It looked whoever was driving fell asleep and drifted slowly into a tree (they commonly "nod off" while taking their pills, it is a symptom of overdose from Oxycontin!!
Thank God they had already dropped my kids off when this happened, but "what if?"

I took this pic while driving by (it was raining), and all I had was my crappy cell phone, so the image is shitty at best! This happened the day before he and I went to court... His story was that SHE wrecked it and was laying out in the field for hours, hurt... Do you see anyone, anywhere near the vehicle? Me Either!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

All Alone..... A poem by me

All alone with no one who cares for me,
all I need is you, can't you see?
I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even cry,
all I want to do is curl up and die.
A wicked pawn in an evil game,
I have no pride, I feel no shame.
Tossed away, but still at arm's length,
I need to move on, God give me the strength

Sorry, that is all I can remember of this one (all the ones I wrote was around the same time when I was 16/17, and that was a LONG time ago, lol)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

ok, I have calmed down.........

Since my post yesterday, I took a step back to reevaluate my situation.

I posted an ad on Craigslist and Topix for a babysitter and I have had several offers. Some are even in my price range. So I am hoping everything is gonna work out just fine.

Now, I just have to sift through the replies, weed out the psychos, and hopefully find a needle in a haystack. I would say that you guys wouldn't "believe" some of the responses I have received, but I am sure that you would, lol. The world is a strange place these days. I will give you a run down of some of the crazy replies I have put in the "recycle bin."

  • A woman who couldn't spell or type: I am young lady , i am single mom. Willing to submit drug test anyplace. have decided after a short term break for educational purposes I'd like to get back into the nanny field. children need stimulation and to do things that challenges their minds. I am also know cpr . I am full time student, my major Nursing. (her phone number was from an area code I have never heard from.... I thought it was funny that she took a break, for educational purposes, yet she can not write too well (I hope I don't sound mean, it is just strange to me, I understand though, that some people can not express themselves through writing like they want to)
  • A woman with a certified child care center who said: I can offer you a competitive rate of $7 per hour for both children.. At first I thought, hmmm, that may not be too bad, until I started to figure it out. That is $63 a day or $315 a week.... The BF BARELY brings that home per week..... (Really? That is a competitive rate? The highest I have seen even at a real daycare around here is $130 each, per week (and that is the highest). so that is still $260 a week (she is $55 more than the highest I have ever heard of).
  • How much are you looking at paying? I am interested but live 30 miles away. (I am always leery of someone who FIRST OFF asks about money, doesn't even ask about the kids, also leery when they won't set their price, they are giving me a service, they should have an idea of what they need)
  • Hey, my name is (insert weird name here) ; & i am looking for a job ! because i am a freshman this year, and i need to start too make some money ! / and i think baby sitting is the best for me because i get along with kids very well and have lots of pacients ! & i am very respectful & reliable / & i have baby sited many kids i have lots of toys for boys and girls , and i love kids . i understand i am young but i am very responsible - and i am lots of help & i am very mature for my age so i would love to help you out ! (Well, I am sure my EX would be all about you sitting for him, he likes to hire school kids to watch them anyway, but I need an adult please... LOL, I almost put on the ad NO TEENAGERS, but didn't want to be rude) I replied back nicely, that I was looking for someone during the day, and I was sure she would be at school during those times
  • she replied: awh its ok , but you didnt say a date and time , but thanks ! (I thought I just told you DURING THE DAY, while you would be at school? But hey, how much do you charge?? If it is cheap enough, I am up for anything... NOT)
  • hello, i use to have a daycare in my home many years ago. i have often thought about doing it again. How much are you wanting to pay for the child care of your babies?
  • Hi my name is..... and I'm a stay at home mom with 4 year old twins and a 2 year old. I currently watch a 4 monthh old and have 2 openings left. What kind of hours are you looking at and how much were you thinking a week? (when I read this I thought, damn, she already has her hands full! My kids are pretty rowdy sometimes... I don't think someone could handle that many kids that little (6 kids under 5, how would they ever get any attention, or how could she ever watch them all? I know people have that many kids of their own and some people could handle it just fine, just not what I want for my 2)
  • I am able to watch your kids at my house as long as you dont mind dogs. I have 10. (some are puppies though) 
  • Hello. I saw your posting and wanted to respond. I am a mother to a 3 year old. I currently work full time in the evenings/weekends. I am looking to find some other children around my kid's age to watch during the day. I would be available anytime until 4pm during the week. (Wow, this woman works full time AND wants to sit during the day!! She must be a busy little bee!!)
  • What kind of hours are you needing and what kind of pay are you offering?  I have 6 years experience ranging from 4 month old and up.  I am a recent graduate of (local) College. (um, I am sure you are great, I just feel weird letting a college grad watch my kids.... Why don't you use your education to get a nice paying job... All I can think of is hazing, toga parties, and late nights out with friend, or I also thought she would want way more than I could pay... I guess I would just rather a "Mother" watch my kids, I would feel safer somehow)
  • Me: What is your location... Emailer: I live in your city.... (obviously, but can you tell me where?)
  • hello, i use to have a daycare in my home many years ago. i have often thought about doing it again. How much are you wanting to pay for the child care of your babies? (again, all about the $$)
I did respond very cordially to all of the inquiries I received!! I have a few that are possibilities. I met with a lady earlier tonight. She has 2 sons the exact same ages as mine, and an older daughter that goes to school. She said she would charge me $150 (that is reasonable!!). My last sitter only charged me $20 a day (but look what I got for my $20. and also, I know that is not ever going to happen again, LOL)
Is it WRONG if I tell Satan that she charges $40 a day, that way he will pay $80 then I will only have to pay $70??? I think that is only fair he pays for half of their childcare anyway!! He doesn't do anything else for them...

Oh, yeah, did I mention that he REFUSED to pick the kids up because he was afraid they had cooties?? What parent would not want to see their kids because of that? It would be like me saying, "OK kiddos, you're gonna have to go stay with your Dad until I make sure you are bug free, Mommie still loves you, but I don't want to take any chances on you contaminating us here!"
He actually said, "Well, if I don't get them, that will be one less place we have to clean." SWEAR!

My babysitter quit!!!!!!!! (sorry, long RANT)

I am so pissed at this b*tch, I almost can not articulate the words to the DRAMA that has unfolded in the past few days.

3 Thursdays ago, the babysitter calls me. And by call, I mean she rang my phone off the hook, every minute for 20 minutes straight. I was trying to get ready for class so I couldn't answer my phone. In this same time frame, she had emailed my facebook account twice. WTF, panic much?
So then I start freakin' out. Thinking my kids are hurt!! I call her back.........

HER: My kid is sick, he has a fever, he is coughing, blah, blah, blah... I can't take him to the Dr. because I have everyone else's kids here! insert her hateful attitude here (I think to myself: hello, this is what we pay you to do, STUPID, that was not a nice thing to say!)
ME: ok, I have class, but BF can pick them up early.
HER: Well, No, it's ok, I will just take him tomorrow, so I can't watch your kids tomorrow.
ME: ok, I will get my sister to keep them tomorrow, I hope your kid gets to feeling better.
HER: blah, blah, drama, blah!
ME: Well, if you change your mind and need one of us to pick them up TODAY, just let us know.

(side note: 1st off, this is unusual, because any other time she tells me it is ok, her Dr.'s office is open late hours and she can take him after mine are gone, 2nd, she tells me her kid is home sick, but when BF dropped the kids off this morning, he was at school... He goes 1/2 day, so he must have just gotten off bus, since it was 11:30).

7:12 a.m. the next morning, my sister calls.....
ME: hello
SISTER: Did you know that your kids have LICE?
ME: Um NO I DIDN'T, what makes you say that?
SISTER: Well, They told me their heads were itching...and baby girl said that Babysitter's kid had bugs in his hair...
ME: OMG, that must be why she was acting so crazy and wanted the kids out of there so fast yesterday.
SISTER: Yep! But it is ok, I will get some stuff to wash their hair....(and she does).

I think maybe it was a false alarm, I never even think of it again!! I never see scratching, or notice anything unusual...
Fast forward to last Friday, my phone starts ringing off the hook, it is the babysitter again, she is acting the same way as she did the last time. I call her back...

HER: Did you know YOUR kids have lice?
ME: Well, that day you couldn't watch them my sister had mentioned it.... I never saw anything in their heads, and we treated them just in case, I didn't think anything else of it. Did you SEE it in their hair?
HER: Yes, it is everywhere.... Now I am going to have to disinfect my whole house! I am gonna have to rent a carpet shampooer, wash my whole families heads, etc. Those kids were in my BED!!! They were on my furniture, and now I have to clean everything!!
ME: (my face is starting to BURN, I can feel the anger rising up in my chest!! I try not to explode!) Ok, well, I have yet to see anything in their hair....
HER: It is everywhere, now I have to do clean my house, they were in my bed!
ME: Ok, I will come get them right now.

I go pick them up.. She shoves them out the door, throws me their jackets. I am seithing!! My daughter starts asking, "why did you come get us Mommie, was it because Karen called you, was it because we have bugs in our hair, does Karen not want us at her house?" My fury grows!! How dare someone say stuff like that and HUMILIATE my kids!! No matter wtf the circumstances, I would NEVER do that, EVER! I don't look at the sitter, and I drive away. My daughter is in the back seat telling me how "Karen made us sit in the kitchen so we didn't get bugs in her house." I hold back the urge to turn around and go back. I could KILL THIS B*TCH at this point. I head to town to Wal-Mart to get some shampoo to wash their hair.... The B*TCH then starts texting me.....

HER: Is the BF still going to stop and pay me my money?
ME: That was the plan...
HER: Well, I have going to have to disinfect my whole house, so I need that money as soon as possilble.
ME: You will get your money like you always do.
HER: Ok, well when BF brings my money, give me an extra $50., it costs $35. to rent a carpet shampooer and then I will need extra to buy some shampoo. (p.s. last week, her dog chewed up my daughter's brand new $40 boots, the FIRST and only time she ever wore them!! She never even told me, or offered to pay me for them, I just let it go)

I am appalled!! She did not ask me to help her with her expenses, she demands it! I might have "entertained" the idea, had she not acted so irrational, humiliated my kids, or if she had even asked me nicely!! I didn't text her back. I couldn't. I knew I would say something I would regret!! I sent the BF to pay her like usual, minus her demands... She tells him her husband says she can't babysit anymore (but she calls Satan and tells him she will still babysit on his days, just not for me????)

So, now I am in a panic to find a babysitter.... I may have to drop out of school.... And I realize that this b*tch is crazy and probably should never have been around my kids in the first place!!

One last thing... She TOLD me a over a year ago that her kids had been sent home several times from school because Lice is so rampant at their school. And she babysits 7 kids from that school, they get off of the bus at her house. But she has never told me this was going on... THAT IS WHY I AM SO MAD!! She knew exactly how this all started, but she insisted on making my kids be the heavy!

I know kids get Lice, it is not about being dirty or nasty, it is a fact of life. It is not a big deal (it is aggravating!!), I just don't know why she never told me, then gets all crazy on me, and then tries to "blame" and humiliate my kids who don't even go to school!!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Sunday, Short Story........

      A SHORT STORY.....................

      The mother and daughter waited in the reception area for their name to be called. The daughter burried her nose in a book, while the mother chewed on the inside of her cheek, she seemed to be a thousand miles away, or at least anywhere but right here, right now. Snotty nosed kids ran around touching everything, their parents also daydreaming, not paying attention to them. You could hear sniffles constantly, sometimes interrupted by a fit of hacking coughs, followed by a parent snapping out of their fantasy world to say, "Cover your mouth please."
      Finally, the door swung open, "Smith" the nurse moaned, giving the impression that she hated her job, "the doctor will see you now." The mother looked around at the girl and said, "That's us, let's go." The girl layed her book down and stood, she then fell in closely behind her mother and followed through the door back to the scales in the hallway. No one seemed to notice the lump in the girls throat or her anxiety, but she felt it. She was terrified of the scales. "I know it will be bad, please GOD, let them skip this part, let them just this one time forget," she cried in her head, knowing good and well they wouldn't forget. "Ok, let's get your weight," the nurse snapped jolting the girl out of her own thoughts.
      The girl hesitated, looked at her mother pleading with her eyes for help, but her attempts were futile. Her mother sighed and said unsympathetically, "they have to get your weight, now just get up there and get it over with." The girl was now sick to her stomach. She knew if she had gained weight there would be consequences. The last time, after they got home, her mother had sprinkled brown stuff all over her food, she had called it "bran" and said it would help the girl eat less. The time before that she was forced to drink "Slim Fast" while all the other kids ate cereal and doughnuts for breakfast. The girl smiled for a brief moment, remembering when her sister had snuck her a bite of cake. A few weeks ago her Grandmother had offered the kids some cake, when the girl had stepped forward happily, to get a piece, her "Granny" scowled, "Not you, you're too fat!" The girl was devastated, but she didn't want anyone to catch on, she went into the bedroom where no one was watching and she sobbed. She was heartbroken, not about the cake, but her "Granny's" words, they cut her to the bone. She wondered why they couldn't just love her the way she was, not after she "lost the weight."
     The nurse set the scale on the fifty mark, then moved the top sliding part up, and up, and up, but it never balanced, she then moved the bottom number up to a hundred and started sliding again. Finally it leveled out, "ONE HUNDRED SIXTY TWO," the nurse bellowed. The girl's face flushed with crimson, she looked around to see other nurses and staff staring, her mother's  hand was clasped over her mouth. The two adult women exchanged glances with each other. The nurse clearly disapproved, then snorted, "the normal weight for a child this age is ninety pounds, she is twice that!" The girl wanted to cry but she couldn't, she wanted to run but there was nowhere to go, she just wanted to die. Dying would be easier than this humiliation, the shame she felt at eight years old was too much to bear.
      The walk was quiet back to the patient room. The girls heart burned with pain as she struggled to get onto the examination table, the paper rattled and crumpled and twisted under her as she got situated. The nurse had asked them a barrage of questions about why they were here today, and then told them the doctor would be in shortly, before she slammed the door closed. The girl didn't dare look at her mother, she was afraid of the look she would see in her mother's eyes, she couldn't stand the disappointment she had created. Her mother broke the silence saying, "wait until your Daddy hears about this, he won't believe how big you've gotten." The girl's heart sank further, she was a Daddy's girl, and it hurt her even more thinking he would be embarrassed by her.
      The door rattled, you could hear the clipboard being taken out of the box on the door, the knob turned, in walked the doctor. He was an older man, in his sixties, he wore a white lab coat and black rimmed trifocals, his nose and ears looked as though they had grown bigger over the years, and now didn't properly fit his face. The girl stared at the carpet, afraid to make eye contact with anyone. She had learned as much in her eight years of life about people, as most others do in a lifetime. She knew what would happen if she aknowledged someone, if she let someone "see" her. People were cruel, they always, without fail, wanted to point out, or tell her how "fat" she was, as if she didn't beat herself up about it daily.  The Doctor was the first to speak, "so what is the problem today?" The girl's mother started to give a list of the girls symptoms, "well she has asthma and is on medicine for that, but she has been complaining lately of problems when she pees, she says it burns." The doctor sat on the stool in front of the girl, he interupted her mother, "Well, can I be frank?" The mother shook her head, then allowed the doctor to continue. The doctor laughed heartily and blurted out, "Well, if you ask me, it looks like the problem is, you were supposed to have twins and they forgot to seperate." He was clearly amused with his "joke."
      The girl's heart stopped, she was crushed by his blatant insult. At this very moment, that memory would be burned into her head. That day she drew even deeper inside of herself, vowing to never let anyone in. She knew that she had to put up a wall between herself and her enemy. She started hating herself more and more, she avoided people at all costs. She felt alone in the world. And this incident would be the beginning of more to come, for the next several years she would be tortured and tormented by kids and adults alike.

*This story is about ME, this is a true story that happened when I was eight years old. I have tried to hold it in as long as I could, but these memories still haunt me today. I figure maybe if I try and let them out, I can heal, I can stop hating myself, forgive and move on. I want to start a new chapter in my life without all of this baggage I carry around daily. I want to let it go.    
P.S. I used a fake name and left other names out completely.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Stalker.....

Here I come in hot pursuit
I'm not going to stop, so please don't shoot.
I want to see if your car is here,
I turn off my lights cause your house is near.
Wheels roll gently on this holy ground,
We have to be quiet and turn around.
Now as I leave, my horn plays a blow,
HA! I was here and now you know.
Don't get mad, I mean no harm,
and please don't active the police alarm,
So they can chase me down and make me run,
all I wanted was to have some fun.
I am gone now, so go back to your life,
I out ran your Deputy "Fife."
I will be quiet for a night or two,
Just remember though, I am always looking for you.
And late at night, just when you have forgotten about me,
look in your rear-view mirror, and there I'll be!!!!

*This is a poem I wrote in 1996. I was 16 and I had my first job, first car, and first crush:) Some of you that know me a little better (or have emailed me) may now understand where I got that stupid email address from (I have kept it all these years, lol). After I wrote this poem, I was called, "Stalker."

Friday, November 5, 2010

I have been "SPOILING" my kids

Do you think kids can be spoiled too much? I think so, especially when I see other people's kids who have everything they want, and so many clothes that half of them will never be worn. A great example was when my sister passed down some clothes from her daughter to mine. There is a big age gap (5 years I think), so I just recently dove into the box that I had tucked away in the closet. It was full of size 4 girl clothes. There were over 25 pairs of jeans! All I could think was, "why would a 4 year old need that many clothes?"
I ended up keeping a few of the jeans and donating the rest because I just didn't have enough space to house all that, and with all of the other clothes she has, there was no need to keep more.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.... Lately I have been "spoiling" my kids a little. Both nights that I came home from school this week, I came home with bags of clothes/shoes I had bought them (while wondering around in between classes). They were so excited, wanting to try the stuff on right then. They begged me to get them out of bed (which I did), then they paraded around in their new rainboots, and new clothes. It was cute.

I guess I feel bad in one way because I am spending money on them (money which I could be saving or paying a bill with), but on the other hand, it feels really good to see their little faces light up when they are pulling the tags off of their new stuff:)

What do you think???

P.S. My baby girl won a costume contest at another blog!!!!! I am so proud, LOL.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I am not DEAD:)

It has been quite a while since I last posted... There has been so much going on. Let's see, where should I start to get you all caught up on my crazy life?
  • We finally got moved. You will never believe where. My EX-husband's parents have a rental property, and they invited us to move here. They actually bent over backwards to make it work out (even let us keep the water/electric in their name for over a week until I could get the money to switch it). Thankfully, it is the same price for rent, same amount of space/maybe more, a 2 car garage with tons of storage space, and WAY closer to the bf's work and my school:) Also, as an added bonus, we have 8 horses outside in our back yard...
See the pretty horses? I think there is about 500 acres back there:)

  • Ofcourse, we went "trick or treating." The little people were a little freaked out by all the festivities. We ended up only going to a "trunk or treat" at my sister's church, then to one other house (baby girl cried, and wouldn't go anywhere near the door. Thankfully, her Bubby grabbed her some candy. Then the last stop we made was at the Ex's parent's house (they filled their little buckets up, again)
  •  See the Costumes??
  • I finally got my internet, phone, and t.v. connections hooked up. Thank God!! It is so BORING being without connection to the outside world, lol
  • I went to my last court date with the Ex. I got NOTHING. I think my lawyer was playing for the wrong team. He told me all this stuff, then when we got to court he didn't say/do anything on my behalf, he let them do whatever they wanted. I wasn't even allowed into the courtroom (only the lawyers). They discontinued my maintenance (which was no surprise), I had to sign over all my rights to the property, I didn't get sole-custody like I wanted (to protect my kids). They basically gave Satan everything he asked for, I got NOTHING. It makes me want to cry thinking about it.
  • I got a call from my babysitter (Satan drops the kids off there when he has them). She said he was HIGH, had white powder around his nose, he was driving (he has no license), the kids were in a soaking wet DIAPER (hello, they are potty trained!), normally they only wear a pull-up to bed, and they never have accidents here, they are dry... Oh, and they were still in their "jammies." He told her he had been out all night and the "lady he hired" to watch them, left them that way. WTF?
  • I later found out that his 12 year old step-daughter and her 11/12 year old friends have been watching my kids every Monday night.
  • He had his 20 year old drug addict son pick my kids up from the sitter (with no carseat, and not in a seat belt even). His son doesn't have a license either (like father like son)
  • I called Social Services, so did the babysitter. Obviously, nothing happened.
  • The babysitter said she would be my witness in court. When the time came, she backed out (he called and intimidated her), so I had to give him joint custody (my word against his).
  • I found out he has been arrested 3 more times since the last time we went to court in May. Driving w/o a license, drug paraphernalia, etc... But he is still NOT IN JAIL. He had court last Thursday, but he is still a free man. I guess if you have enough money, you get what you want!!!
  • I also found out that his new wife's son has been removed from their home.... Because they keep failing their drug tests, letting Satan drive the kid around, etc... She has SUPERVISED visitation, and has to pay to see her 6 year old son! (at least that kid is safe though)
  • I am thinking about starting a Catering Business... That is one thing I can do right, COOK!!
Can someone please tell me how/why someone can get by with everything and never suffer any consequences for their actions? Meanwhile I live a normal, drug free, crime free life and I have nothing to show for it??? People tell me all the time that Satan will eventually fall on his face and get caught, but I don't think so, I have watched him sail through life too long. He even had a PREACHER come to court to testify on his behalf. He has them all bamboozled!!!

P.S. I am still reading all of your blogs, my comments are sparse these days though:) I am hoping to get back in the circuit soon:)