Yesterday was a horrible day for me!!! I am starting to sink into a deep depression and wonder if I will ever get out of it. I miss my old life where I didn't worry about money or have anything to want for because I had it all.... But I couldn't sacrifice my pride in order to keep all of that, so here I am..... Almost Divorced (from a cheater-in which I loved to a fault) with nothing left but my pride and my babies!! And that my friends will have to do! This is the second Chrismas in a row that will SUCK a$$! (Last year is when the cheating and finale began--and it still goes on)....
So about yesterday...In the morning when I woke up...I had dozed off about 5 am, since I don't sleep well these days...My cable had been disconnected, GREAT! So I figured I would deal with that later and stayed awake until about 10, then drifted off again, only to be woken up by a loud bang on the door (which I ignored because I thought it was not important because a lot of my family lives close and they like to drop by....but I was just so tired, I refused to get up. Well that was a MISTAKE, 2 minutes later, the house went black! I jumped straight up out of bed and looked out the window, it was the electric company truck. I knew what was going on!! The bill was late (didn't realize how much so). I ran outside and caught the guy before he left. He said if I had the money he could turn it back on.... Well I thought I had it, only to find out I was about $50. short. Well, he said "this time" he would be able to take what I had and I could pay the rest tomorrow (today) or he would be back to shut it off again. OK, crisis averted for now. My kids could have heat one more night. But WTF am I going to do? Cable is 2 months due, electric, phone, and with Christmas a few days away, it is safe to say my kids will not get anything from me again this year! But they are little, so I guess with everything they will get from everyone else they won't notice? Or at least I hope they won't.
My birthday is Monday, I will be 30 F*cking years old, and I had hoped to be in a more stable situation by now.....So much for hoping!
Well, I have been thinking, and instead of wallowing in self-pity I am going to try and think hard about 30 things I can be thankful for since Monday I will have put 30 years into this thing I call "my life"....SO HERE GOES!
30 Things to be thankful for....
1. God will not give us more than we can stand (that which does not kill us only makes us stronger, no?)
2. I have the 2 most beautiful, healthy, intelligent babies a girl could want!
3. I have a handsome bf that LOVES me more than life itself, and he has the bluest eyes I have ever seen, and an awesome set of arms!
4. A roof over our heads
5. We all have our health
6. 2 dogs that get on my nerves, but make things interesting, and are very loyal
7. Family that lives close
8. A dependable vehicle to drive, that has fairly new tires
9. A very comfortable bed in which I lay my head at night
10. Some really cool shoes/boots
11. A Christmas tree (someone loaned to me, but still better than none at all)
12. A house full of furniture (the sets actually match, LOL)
13. A babysitter I trust to watch my kids when I can't
14. Food in the cabinets and freezer and refridgerator (at least we can eat)
15. The kids have free health care in case they get sick
16. Clothes to wear, and a washer/dryer to keep them clean
17. tv to watch
18. diapers that I found on sale (YAY for me)
19. A turkey in the freezer for Christmas dinner (glad I bought it early when I had the money and it was on sale)
20. A computer and internet which keeps me connected to my online friends and family.....and helps be stay abreast on other people's interesting lives
21. Long hair---which these days is rare! But men seem to love it
22. A recently aquired nice body....or decent anyway (after I lost over 200lbs)
23. A mother's ring with my babies names on it
24. My Brain is still intact for the moment, and I am kind of smart, LOL
25. 3 new bras with matching panties (hey, everything counts)
26. Favorite songs I love to hear on the radio
27. A good reputation
28. Any kind of noodles
29. Warm coats
30. And last but not least, MY SANITY.....So far
You know, while writing this I realize that life is not that bad.....and maybe it will begin to get better, maybe I will find a good job like I had before.... Here's to hoping!!!! Better days to come!