It is time for me to get off the sidelines and into the game. I have been reading all these posts about people losing weight, working out, and gettin' HEALTHY! By the way, YOU GO GIRLS!!!
Anyway, now it is my turn to join in.....
I don't need to lose any weight, for once in my life I am happy about that number, but this comes after already losing 221 pounds (the highest amount I lost was 231-but I started to look like I had been hitting the crack pipe, ROFL). My top weight was 369 pounds, and yes I cringe when I write it.
I was always the "fat kid." I was teased and tormented all through school and outside of school, and basically everywhere for that matter. I was ashamed to be in my own skin, I hated myself. There were years that I kept my head down not being able to look in their eyes, being embarrassed, and physically shutting down (having panic attacks). I couldn't take the hurt anymore, I could see the disgust on their face when they saw me. It really was horrible, and I get a stabbing pain in my gut while I type this........a pain that I thought was long gone....
Funny, I can still feel all that pain, and it makes me sad.....even though I am a new woman now. I am a butterfly that emerged from the cocoon that held an old dumpy caterpillar.....I am beautiful, I am worthy, I am finally comfortable with the way I look.
Remember when we are little and we blow out our birthday candles and get a wish? Wanna know what I wished for year after year? To lose weight. I would also pray to God to help me lose weight, throw pennies in a wishing well, shooting stars, rainbows, any wish making occasion..... you can bet that is what I begged for! Then one day my wish came true:) So here I am.
I now weigh a lovely 148 pounds, which may be heavy for some people, but is perfect for my large frame. And considering I weighed 160 in the third grade, this is a number (148) I haven't seen in a LONG TIME, but I have been here for 2 years. I went from Super Morbidly Obese, to Morbidly Obese, to Obese, then overweight, and finally normal..... But like I said, here I am, I made it.
There are still things I would like to revise though.....
1. I have bad eating habits.... I want to learn to stay away from SUGAR (yikes, that is scary)
2. I drink pop...... yes it is diet, but still not good for me at all
3. I am vitamin deficient.... I need to take vitamins for life, but usually forget daily
4. I get no kind of exercise.... I got so weak after the weight loss, I gave up, but I would like to find an activity I could do to help me rebuild some strength, and regain some energy
5. I don't drink enough water......I am usually nearly dehydrated at any given time, and have had to have I.V. drips to replenish my body, which actually makes me feel so good I wish I had one now, ROFL........and it was just saline (water) coursing through my veins, not heroine, but man that sh*t felt good. AHHHHHHHH!
Anywho, these are some things I am going to work on.....I am hoping I will start to feel better, get more energy and less sugar crashes, caffeine crashes, carb crashes! Wish me luck..... I wish you all luck every time I read your posts!! I know how you feel......
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
It's been a while....
I know I haven't posted in a long time.....over a week actually, but I have been sick. I did however read everyone else's posts every day, I just didn't have it in me to post anything.....I hate that everything I have to say is always a DRAG, and nothing feels good or right in my life!!
I was feeling the better for a while though when I went over 2 weeks without speaking to the King of the underworld, aka Satan. I felt liberated, positive, and even happy with the new bf.... Then one day like I knew would happen, my family flaked out on me, and I had to face him and drop the babies off, and that is all it takes....to make my world crumble again, and again, and again! And then the depression starts back up, and I just go through the motions of this life, and just try to get through it, instead of actually participating in it, which I hate myself for!!
I am hoping to get to the point one day where I don't love or hate him, I feel nothing at all. And when I get there I will rejoice!
I went to sign up for school last week.... I am hoping that I can get some grants so I can actually go.... if not I will never be able to afford it, and I don't want to be in debt $40-50 K for an education at this point of my life. I have to go talk to the "financial advisors" tomorrow at 10, so I am hoping for good news where they tell me I can go for free (well maybe not free, but close to that would be nice). I have a few credits from where I went to this same school before about 10 years ago, so I will be able to apply those which will shorten my time:)
I was feeling the better for a while though when I went over 2 weeks without speaking to the King of the underworld, aka Satan. I felt liberated, positive, and even happy with the new bf.... Then one day like I knew would happen, my family flaked out on me, and I had to face him and drop the babies off, and that is all it takes....to make my world crumble again, and again, and again! And then the depression starts back up, and I just go through the motions of this life, and just try to get through it, instead of actually participating in it, which I hate myself for!!
I am hoping to get to the point one day where I don't love or hate him, I feel nothing at all. And when I get there I will rejoice!
I went to sign up for school last week.... I am hoping that I can get some grants so I can actually go.... if not I will never be able to afford it, and I don't want to be in debt $40-50 K for an education at this point of my life. I have to go talk to the "financial advisors" tomorrow at 10, so I am hoping for good news where they tell me I can go for free (well maybe not free, but close to that would be nice). I have a few credits from where I went to this same school before about 10 years ago, so I will be able to apply those which will shorten my time:)
Friday, January 15, 2010
Flashback Friday, one year tomorrow!!
Since all this crazy sh*t has been going on lately I thought I would take a break from the madness before I end up kicking one of my kids in the face....punching the bf in the neck....or gagging myself with a pitchfork!!!!
One year ago tomorrow is when I met my current BF. Funny how it happened, I met him in the WalMart parking let. Yep, sure did. There were several circumstances that happened that caused us to meet, so maybe it was meant to be.....
First of all, the back story.... I had heard of this guy (BF) from my husband several times... He had dated the local hairdresser of the town, & while he was dating her....my husband was too!! I had asked my husband several times when I caught him eating lunch with the HDW (hair dressing whore) who she was seeing (cause supposedly it was innocent and they were just friends cause she had a husband, and a boyfriend, I know, OMG), he would say....some boy that drives a white truck with a company name on the side. Anyway, long story short, the HDW went back to her husband....I found out my husband was messing with her........but we tried to work it out......and I found out she had just used the guy in the white truck to make her husband jealous and used him for all she could.... So I always figured he was probably a good guy, just mixed up with the wrong woman!! And he is no "boy" he is 34 years old!
Fast forward 8 months.
I had found out in December that husband was now screwing the clerk at the gas station!! We went through a lot of drama....then he finally left the house. In January I was to the point that I was depressed, lonely, feeling ugly, not eating, not sleeping, etc.... One day I decided to get dressed up, put make-up on, and get out of the damn house! Even if it was only to go get groceries..... So I did.
I went in WalMart and did some serious shopping, since I had been in a funk for a month, so I was out of everything and needed to re-fill the cabinets.
I got to the cash register and I had forgotten my check-book in the truck, I had to run outside to get it, while I was retrieving the check-book, a big white truck pulled up and parked diagonally to my truck (with the company logo that my husband had talked about). So I was like, OMG....that is HDW's BF, wouldn't it be funny if I dated him to p*ss off hubs and HDW?? So you know, I had already plotted this out in my head in case I ever ran into him.....funny how sh*t just happens!! All I could do is stare....I had never seen this "boy" as my husband called him before, so I wanted a closer look....But damn, the groceries, and the big line behind me!! I had to get back in the store.....so while I looked backwards the whole time and almost ran into a Jeep, I went back in. I loaded my $300. worth of groceries (was for a week back then, not a month like it is now, LOL), and I went back outside in the freezing cold and tried to put all that crap in the back of my SUV, believe me, it took a while!
So when I got done and got in with the heat blazing, I noticed that the guy had came out of WalMart also (with 1 bag of dog food, LOL).... So I sat there frozen (ok, only for a second....then I decided to put on some more lipstick, OMG, ROFL, I had never ever tried to be coy like I was attempting at this point, and I don't know WTF I was thinking anyway.... but it paid off). I sat there long enough that the dude went back inside the store, BINGO, here was my chance to leave a note on his truck.... I know, you are wondering why I didn't just go talk to him.... Well I am painfully shy, and can't handle rejection.... So I wrote a note as quick as I could....tiptoed over to his truck, lifted up the wiper, slid the note in......then ranasfastasIcouldjumpedinmySUVandflewoutoftheparkinglot!!! (yes I ran all those words together cause it all happened so freakin' fast!) I was scared, nervous, and didn't want to get busted when he came outside. But I can tell you I wasn't out of the parking lot before he was calling me:) We talked for a while, I ASKED HIM OUT, and he said yes how about tomorrow, and that was that!! We went out the next night......and I can tell you, there has not been one day that we haven't seen each other since then!!! And yes it p*ssed off both my husband and the HDW, she still to this day makes a scene every time she sees him (because she is all about drama!). And my husband calls him Cowboy...which I think is a cute little nick-name!!
So I want to give a big THANKYOU to my BF, who came into my life and gave me the strength to move out of my house, helped me with 2 crying babies who wouldn't sleep when we moved them out of there home, supported us when we had nothing, changes diapers, wipes snotty noses, puts them to bed with me at night, reads stories, gives hugs and kisses, takes abuse, and gives us all he has cause he says that is what real men do!!! I really do love this man..... I wish I had met him at another point in my life.... Where I was less jaded, less hurt, less emotional, so I could have given him all that I have to give. But he takes what I can give, and he is ok with it. Maybe one day I can love him with all of me...... If not I hope that I find that true love again, love that makes time stop and stand still, takes my breath away, causes my heart to skip a beat.....
Can a person love again after being hurt, or will you always hold part of yourself back??
One year ago tomorrow is when I met my current BF. Funny how it happened, I met him in the WalMart parking let. Yep, sure did. There were several circumstances that happened that caused us to meet, so maybe it was meant to be.....
First of all, the back story.... I had heard of this guy (BF) from my husband several times... He had dated the local hairdresser of the town, & while he was dating her....my husband was too!! I had asked my husband several times when I caught him eating lunch with the HDW (hair dressing whore) who she was seeing (cause supposedly it was innocent and they were just friends cause she had a husband, and a boyfriend, I know, OMG), he would say....some boy that drives a white truck with a company name on the side. Anyway, long story short, the HDW went back to her husband....I found out my husband was messing with her........but we tried to work it out......and I found out she had just used the guy in the white truck to make her husband jealous and used him for all she could.... So I always figured he was probably a good guy, just mixed up with the wrong woman!! And he is no "boy" he is 34 years old!
Fast forward 8 months.
I had found out in December that husband was now screwing the clerk at the gas station!! We went through a lot of drama....then he finally left the house. In January I was to the point that I was depressed, lonely, feeling ugly, not eating, not sleeping, etc.... One day I decided to get dressed up, put make-up on, and get out of the damn house! Even if it was only to go get groceries..... So I did.
I went in WalMart and did some serious shopping, since I had been in a funk for a month, so I was out of everything and needed to re-fill the cabinets.
I got to the cash register and I had forgotten my check-book in the truck, I had to run outside to get it, while I was retrieving the check-book, a big white truck pulled up and parked diagonally to my truck (with the company logo that my husband had talked about). So I was like, OMG....that is HDW's BF, wouldn't it be funny if I dated him to p*ss off hubs and HDW?? So you know, I had already plotted this out in my head in case I ever ran into him.....funny how sh*t just happens!! All I could do is stare....I had never seen this "boy" as my husband called him before, so I wanted a closer look....But damn, the groceries, and the big line behind me!! I had to get back in the store.....so while I looked backwards the whole time and almost ran into a Jeep, I went back in. I loaded my $300. worth of groceries (was for a week back then, not a month like it is now, LOL), and I went back outside in the freezing cold and tried to put all that crap in the back of my SUV, believe me, it took a while!
So when I got done and got in with the heat blazing, I noticed that the guy had came out of WalMart also (with 1 bag of dog food, LOL).... So I sat there frozen (ok, only for a second....then I decided to put on some more lipstick, OMG, ROFL, I had never ever tried to be coy like I was attempting at this point, and I don't know WTF I was thinking anyway.... but it paid off). I sat there long enough that the dude went back inside the store, BINGO, here was my chance to leave a note on his truck.... I know, you are wondering why I didn't just go talk to him.... Well I am painfully shy, and can't handle rejection.... So I wrote a note as quick as I could....tiptoed over to his truck, lifted up the wiper, slid the note in......then ranasfastasIcouldjumpedinmySUVandflewoutoftheparkinglot!!! (yes I ran all those words together cause it all happened so freakin' fast!) I was scared, nervous, and didn't want to get busted when he came outside. But I can tell you I wasn't out of the parking lot before he was calling me:) We talked for a while, I ASKED HIM OUT, and he said yes how about tomorrow, and that was that!! We went out the next night......and I can tell you, there has not been one day that we haven't seen each other since then!!! And yes it p*ssed off both my husband and the HDW, she still to this day makes a scene every time she sees him (because she is all about drama!). And my husband calls him Cowboy...which I think is a cute little nick-name!!
So I want to give a big THANKYOU to my BF, who came into my life and gave me the strength to move out of my house, helped me with 2 crying babies who wouldn't sleep when we moved them out of there home, supported us when we had nothing, changes diapers, wipes snotty noses, puts them to bed with me at night, reads stories, gives hugs and kisses, takes abuse, and gives us all he has cause he says that is what real men do!!! I really do love this man..... I wish I had met him at another point in my life.... Where I was less jaded, less hurt, less emotional, so I could have given him all that I have to give. But he takes what I can give, and he is ok with it. Maybe one day I can love him with all of me...... If not I hope that I find that true love again, love that makes time stop and stand still, takes my breath away, causes my heart to skip a beat.....
Can a person love again after being hurt, or will you always hold part of yourself back??
Thursday, January 14, 2010
On a lighter note....& brief update.....
Ok, so it was eerily quiet here today, no phone calls, no nothing. So things are seemingly going good (but I can't help but think something is being plotted for a "sneak attack"). I got more details about when my sister dropped off the kids.... Satan jumped up in my bro.-in-laws face (claiming he thought it was my BF--but I think it was part of his show)....Then he proceeds to tell them that he has all of BF's contact phone numbers because Bubby had his old phone with him last time (the one we gave him to play with--but his dumb ass daddy put a new battery in so he could steal phone numbers out of). And ofcourse I didn't get my child support....that should make me call him right? Well is what he is thinking....
Anyway thanks to all of you for the comments....
I have moved, I live almost an hour away from Satan so when he comes here he will be in "my territory" and the law doesn't know him 'round these parts (also Mom & Dad live directly across the street so they are within earshot case he tries anything--which honestly I don't think he will any where besides his hometown). But this is all I am talking about his dumb ass for now...LOL, he takes up enough of my life.....
I have been reading people's posts and several of them have been doing a writer's workshop where they are answering 1 or more of these fun questions from Mama Kat's Workshop http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/
The Prompts:
1.) Time for your tangent…what is your latest complaint?
2.) If you could have given yourself a snapshot five years ago of what your life is like now, what would the picture be of and how do you think you would have felt about it?
3.) What’s in YOUR name? What does it mean? Why was it given to you? etc..
4.) Write a letter to the first person who ever broke your heart.
5.) Welcome to the most shocking rose ceremony in writing prompt history. Please award roses to the ten people (or items) in your life that you’d like to continue pursuing a relationship with.
I picked number 3......what is your name, what does it mean, why was it given to you, etc?
My name is Gayle..... It means jovial or happy. My dad picked my name..... It is kind of neat actually, he and mom had been visiting one of his cousin's in another state. Mom was introduced to the cousin's wife....Gayle. They always told me how nice this lady was, and how her husband (dad's cousin) was mean to her, don't know much else except before I was born Gayle was diagnosed with cancer. So dad asked my mom if they could name me Gayle, and here I am. Sadly she died not long after I was born, but always said what a beautiful baby I was (must have taken after my name sake). And every time I have ever seen Dad's cousin.....he always muses about me being named after his late wife, and he introducted me to his son as.....this is Gayle she was named after your mother. So that is how I got the name. They spelled my name the same as hers.....which is really the way men spell it when they have the name, this is why most times people spell my name Gail, the female version, even though I tell them different. Also all throughout school when we had substitute teachers they would mis-pronounce my name as GAY-LA LOL.....
OMG.....I knew it was too quiet.....while writing this post, we just got a call from BF's mother, seems as though "someone" called her (it is late...like 10:30 at night) and made up some big story saying his work needs him...... GUESS WHO???? Satan strikes again!!! Anyone at BF's work would have called him direct! Here we go, round 1. Can't wait to see what is next. Why can't this 50 year old man GROW UP?
Anyway thanks to all of you for the comments....
I have moved, I live almost an hour away from Satan so when he comes here he will be in "my territory" and the law doesn't know him 'round these parts (also Mom & Dad live directly across the street so they are within earshot case he tries anything--which honestly I don't think he will any where besides his hometown). But this is all I am talking about his dumb ass for now...LOL, he takes up enough of my life.....
I have been reading people's posts and several of them have been doing a writer's workshop where they are answering 1 or more of these fun questions from Mama Kat's Workshop http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/
The Prompts:
1.) Time for your tangent…what is your latest complaint?
2.) If you could have given yourself a snapshot five years ago of what your life is like now, what would the picture be of and how do you think you would have felt about it?
3.) What’s in YOUR name? What does it mean? Why was it given to you? etc..
4.) Write a letter to the first person who ever broke your heart.
5.) Welcome to the most shocking rose ceremony in writing prompt history. Please award roses to the ten people (or items) in your life that you’d like to continue pursuing a relationship with.
I picked number 3......what is your name, what does it mean, why was it given to you, etc?
My name is Gayle..... It means jovial or happy. My dad picked my name..... It is kind of neat actually, he and mom had been visiting one of his cousin's in another state. Mom was introduced to the cousin's wife....Gayle. They always told me how nice this lady was, and how her husband (dad's cousin) was mean to her, don't know much else except before I was born Gayle was diagnosed with cancer. So dad asked my mom if they could name me Gayle, and here I am. Sadly she died not long after I was born, but always said what a beautiful baby I was (must have taken after my name sake). And every time I have ever seen Dad's cousin.....he always muses about me being named after his late wife, and he introducted me to his son as.....this is Gayle she was named after your mother. So that is how I got the name. They spelled my name the same as hers.....which is really the way men spell it when they have the name, this is why most times people spell my name Gail, the female version, even though I tell them different. Also all throughout school when we had substitute teachers they would mis-pronounce my name as GAY-LA LOL.....
OMG.....I knew it was too quiet.....while writing this post, we just got a call from BF's mother, seems as though "someone" called her (it is late...like 10:30 at night) and made up some big story saying his work needs him...... GUESS WHO???? Satan strikes again!!! Anyone at BF's work would have called him direct! Here we go, round 1. Can't wait to see what is next. Why can't this 50 year old man GROW UP?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
What am I gonna do? PLEASE HELP ME!!
Ok, Satan is not stopping..... He is getting more and more pissed with each passing moment! Should I dare say that I am "afraid" of what he will do next? I don't know how to explain it.....but when this man doesn't get his way, you better clear a wide path. I am unsure what all he is capable, and that frightens me.... Everyone else thinks his crazy rants, and weird threats are funny.....I don't. I have faced him and his lawyer in court....they are evil and they are mean, and may I even dare say very convincing? So much so as to making the judge believe I was a drug addict (never!!), and a bad mother, and a liar! I swear to the higher powers that be, that these people chewed me up and spit me out......While I stood there with my mouth hanging open, and my lawyer glared at me (as if to say....why didn't you tell me all this--well you jacka$$ I didn't know it myself until this very minute!!). So when people tell me to "make him do this," or "don't let him do that," I don't see that I have any other choice. What am I supposed to do? This man has the law in his pocket (they let him drink and drive on a daily basis, pull him over, then let him go--DRUNK), his mother works for city hall in conjunction with the police, and they have all know each other for years? WTF can I do? He is one of the "good ole' boys," no one can touch him!! Sad part is....I have to send my babies with this loser 2 days a week (NEVER ON A WEEKEND MIND YOU, the judge said we had to work around "Dad's schedule," which meant they didn't give a good shit whether or not Mom got a weekend break....WTF?), well if he choses to see them on his day. And I am not lying when I say he has been raging drunk before when I went to drop them off.....I called the police.......police came.....talked to him.......told me he was fine, let them go.......then he asked them if I called them to be there (OMG)......thankfully they said no, so I lived another day after that!!
What if he wrecks and kills one of my precious babies? How can I stop this madness?
So you know I have been having different people drop the kids off with him right? Well yesterday at 5:30 he starts calling me (drop off is at 6), I don't answer, BF gets home, I let him answer my phone (for the first time ever)....He tells Satan the kids will be there at 6(as usual). Satan hangs up on him. My sister pulls up with the kids......I get a phone call, apparently Satan has went into the police station (remember this is his home town....and these are all his buddies) at the drop off spot (which I am shocked there are even any police there, never there when I needed one)....so he is in there making up this big story about BF. Saying (swear) that he is going to kick my bf's a$$ when he gets there with his children, because BF smarted off to him on the phone (which never even happened, BF is the timid, get along with everyone type), meanwhile BF is not even dropping the kids off!
How can I compete with this? His lies? His stories? All the things he does to get back at me (every time I ever try to NOT speak to him, or ignore him and move on)...... I have tried an EPO (was dismissed).... Any time I have ever called the police on him.....when I go to get a copy....it doesn't exist.....only his report is there, telling a "story" of how I have wronged him..... Once I called about him RAMMING MY SUV WITH THE KIDS IN IT, guess what? It was never reported..... He said to the police, "I bought it, I will ram it if I want to" and they laughed at him....
Would it do any good to write an anonymous letter to his county's district attorney....saying I am writing this letter because I know of officers letting him drive drunk, and if/when my kids are hurt in a crash I will hold them responsible??? Or do you think this will fall on deaf ears too? Do you think it will come back to haunt me?
P.S. His past record has been "esponged" so I can not prove he has ever done anything criminal in his life!!!
What if he wrecks and kills one of my precious babies? How can I stop this madness?
So you know I have been having different people drop the kids off with him right? Well yesterday at 5:30 he starts calling me (drop off is at 6), I don't answer, BF gets home, I let him answer my phone (for the first time ever)....He tells Satan the kids will be there at 6(as usual). Satan hangs up on him. My sister pulls up with the kids......I get a phone call, apparently Satan has went into the police station (remember this is his home town....and these are all his buddies) at the drop off spot (which I am shocked there are even any police there, never there when I needed one)....so he is in there making up this big story about BF. Saying (swear) that he is going to kick my bf's a$$ when he gets there with his children, because BF smarted off to him on the phone (which never even happened, BF is the timid, get along with everyone type), meanwhile BF is not even dropping the kids off!
How can I compete with this? His lies? His stories? All the things he does to get back at me (every time I ever try to NOT speak to him, or ignore him and move on)...... I have tried an EPO (was dismissed).... Any time I have ever called the police on him.....when I go to get a copy....it doesn't exist.....only his report is there, telling a "story" of how I have wronged him..... Once I called about him RAMMING MY SUV WITH THE KIDS IN IT, guess what? It was never reported..... He said to the police, "I bought it, I will ram it if I want to" and they laughed at him....
Would it do any good to write an anonymous letter to his county's district attorney....saying I am writing this letter because I know of officers letting him drive drunk, and if/when my kids are hurt in a crash I will hold them responsible??? Or do you think this will fall on deaf ears too? Do you think it will come back to haunt me?
P.S. His past record has been "esponged" so I can not prove he has ever done anything criminal in his life!!!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Same Crap, different day....
Ok, I won't bore you with a long post about Satan, but I will scratch the surface.... Him and LB called the babysitter today to also tell her what a bad mother I am and about the diaper rash I wrote about yesterday... She (babysitter or BS) said "I just agreed with them." Really? Did you just have to agree with them? When you know they are both pieces of shit and they do whatever they can to drag me through the mud, really? BITCH! Sorry, I am so fed up with his antics and non-stop harassment I receive if I don't conform to his society and do as he says. (which means roll over and lick his ass on command!!). He is SO mad because I will not stoop to his level and respond to his messages, (so now he starts with the calls to other people--which is predictable), and I will not fight with him or even look at him (since he thinks he is a STUD, my not wanting to look at him will be a crushing blow to his ego)!
Now on another note.....I finally went to the grocery store. We were out of everything! I needed to go a week ago, but I had to wait on the food-stamps to come in! Yep I said it, I GET FOOD STAMPS!! For those of you that may not know what they are... it is a government assistant program that allows you to buy food for yourself and your children. Believe me, I get shamed enough at the stores when I pull out my card.... People stare, make faces, comments, judgements, and sigh real loud when they are behind me in line!! And if you think it can never happen to you.....don't be so sure. Last year I lived in a $450,000 home, had 180 acres of land at our place, and a second home with 120 acres of land a mile down the road... Along with close to $1,000,000 worth of total assets, and money to burn! I had it all at my disposal.... Until the husband threw us out, and kept it all for himself! The divorce is still "pending" so no one really cares whether or not my kids are fed, except me. And since the old man (Satan) is a farmer, he can make up whatever income he wants to for tax purposes, and screw me out of getting a dime! And of course he has the money to pay the lawyers to keep it ALL! Funny how the law works in favor of the rich, and could care less about the poor, huh? My argument.....if you say you make $23,000 a year, how can you afford such luxuries? I didn't realize that farmers can deduct almost everything you can name......to not have to pay the IRS......which in turn makes for a "messy" and unfair divorce. Satan has hid so much of his money in his son's name, father's name, and everyone else, that he looks like he is living on poverty level. I DIGRESS! I was talking about groceries, LOL.
So my cabinets are full now. I hate going to the damn store... People are so rude, they damn near knock you down to get around of ahead of you, step in front of you to snatch things, and park their cart in front of whatever you are looking at..... and of course, no one ever says I am sorry, pardon me, excuse me, or even "my bad"! So, that makes me limit my trips to the store to once a month. I get everything we will need and get the f*ck out of there! We usually do really good, until the last week, then we run pretty low (but still have some things in the cabinet to eat if we have to). The main things we miss are the snacks, chips, and drinks.....But we always seem to make it until "pay day," LOL. And you know, it is pretty hard living a whole month feeding 3 people (not counting BF when he is here) with $284. which is supposed to last 30/31 days. But we eat cheap, and stretch it out all we can. And I don't give my kids bad food either (except on occassion), I make meals almost every night, and we have homeade soup, and chili, and spaghetti, and baked chicken....all the good stuff. I refuse to allow my kids to drink soda, or anything with sugar or caffeine, they only drink sugar free juice or water (that is an entire different post though, LOL), oh yeah, I don't buy them candy either (although Nana makes sure she sneaks it in every chance she gets!).
I have applied to a few jobs.... I pray that someone will hire me soon. I hate being at the mercy of Satan. I wish I had never quit the great job I had just because HE told me too! I knew better, but I wanted to save my marriage, obviously he didn't! And he planned all along to leave us with nothing... or take my options away so I couldn't leave. I showed him! Or did he show me? I am the one raising the kids on welfare, and doing without the "wants" and sometimes even the "needs" and living with the "have to haves," while he is living in the fancy house with his gf and her 2 kids, and eating out, wasting money on drugs & booze, and wearing new clothes every time I see him/her/her kids!! WHATEVER, he can ROT IN HELL!!
Now on another note.....I finally went to the grocery store. We were out of everything! I needed to go a week ago, but I had to wait on the food-stamps to come in! Yep I said it, I GET FOOD STAMPS!! For those of you that may not know what they are... it is a government assistant program that allows you to buy food for yourself and your children. Believe me, I get shamed enough at the stores when I pull out my card.... People stare, make faces, comments, judgements, and sigh real loud when they are behind me in line!! And if you think it can never happen to you.....don't be so sure. Last year I lived in a $450,000 home, had 180 acres of land at our place, and a second home with 120 acres of land a mile down the road... Along with close to $1,000,000 worth of total assets, and money to burn! I had it all at my disposal.... Until the husband threw us out, and kept it all for himself! The divorce is still "pending" so no one really cares whether or not my kids are fed, except me. And since the old man (Satan) is a farmer, he can make up whatever income he wants to for tax purposes, and screw me out of getting a dime! And of course he has the money to pay the lawyers to keep it ALL! Funny how the law works in favor of the rich, and could care less about the poor, huh? My argument.....if you say you make $23,000 a year, how can you afford such luxuries? I didn't realize that farmers can deduct almost everything you can name......to not have to pay the IRS......which in turn makes for a "messy" and unfair divorce. Satan has hid so much of his money in his son's name, father's name, and everyone else, that he looks like he is living on poverty level. I DIGRESS! I was talking about groceries, LOL.
So my cabinets are full now. I hate going to the damn store... People are so rude, they damn near knock you down to get around of ahead of you, step in front of you to snatch things, and park their cart in front of whatever you are looking at..... and of course, no one ever says I am sorry, pardon me, excuse me, or even "my bad"! So, that makes me limit my trips to the store to once a month. I get everything we will need and get the f*ck out of there! We usually do really good, until the last week, then we run pretty low (but still have some things in the cabinet to eat if we have to). The main things we miss are the snacks, chips, and drinks.....But we always seem to make it until "pay day," LOL. And you know, it is pretty hard living a whole month feeding 3 people (not counting BF when he is here) with $284. which is supposed to last 30/31 days. But we eat cheap, and stretch it out all we can. And I don't give my kids bad food either (except on occassion), I make meals almost every night, and we have homeade soup, and chili, and spaghetti, and baked chicken....all the good stuff. I refuse to allow my kids to drink soda, or anything with sugar or caffeine, they only drink sugar free juice or water (that is an entire different post though, LOL), oh yeah, I don't buy them candy either (although Nana makes sure she sneaks it in every chance she gets!).
I have applied to a few jobs.... I pray that someone will hire me soon. I hate being at the mercy of Satan. I wish I had never quit the great job I had just because HE told me too! I knew better, but I wanted to save my marriage, obviously he didn't! And he planned all along to leave us with nothing... or take my options away so I couldn't leave. I showed him! Or did he show me? I am the one raising the kids on welfare, and doing without the "wants" and sometimes even the "needs" and living with the "have to haves," while he is living in the fancy house with his gf and her 2 kids, and eating out, wasting money on drugs & booze, and wearing new clothes every time I see him/her/her kids!! WHATEVER, he can ROT IN HELL!!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Here we go again!!
I am SO f*cking tired of Satan and LB (lying BITCH) who will not leave me alone!
Really, they are doing every thing they can to set me off, but guess what I am not falling for it. I do not have any more to say (and guess what? that makes them worse and they try even harder!) It started back up yesterday when I got a message from the devil himself saying what a great mother LB is and how my kids just love her and my son goes around the house looking for her (so, who gives a f*ck if he does?). But the fact is, I know my kids are not impressed with her because of the fact when they saw her on Wednesday they wouldn't even look at her when she spoke to them (that's right, they turned their little heads away and got in the vehicle with my BF and didn't give this bitch the time of day), LMAO, and she knows it. Granted, I do not teach my children to disrespect or not like anyone (for their own sake), but they have figured it out on their own... If she paid any attention to them at all on their visit, my daughter (Ms. DRAMA) would be squalling after her to go with her, but she doesn't! And my son loves my BF more than anyone in this world, and has ran to his arms while his so called Daddy was calling for him (which I thought served his old ass right for abandoning him, and letting another man raise him!!! Good for you Bubby!!). Anyway.....LB is not much of a mother....don't know how much I want to get into but....first of all her oldest son was taken away 3 times "failure to thrive" and the fact that she didn't feed him, her daughter is 11 and other son is 5 and she leaves them home alone. We even busted her once and know she did this....cause guess where she was? At the bottom of my driveway calling me obscenities while I was moving out of our "marital home" video taping me with my camera (to document all of MY STUFF that I removed from MY HOUSE)...and the police were sitting at her house with her children and NO MOTHER in sight!! They had to call her EX to come get them. (but of course nothing ever came of it, and she still has them--I swear some people can get away with murder!!)... And on New Year's Eve, she left the 5 year old boy at home with Satan....the whole time Satan was on the phone with me....talking incoherently, and telling the boy to go lay down.... OMG who does that? SHE DOES!! Anyway, I am so sick and tired of them attacking me.....they just do it because every thing I tell them is the truth, so they are forced to attack me with lies, hurt, and evilness (cause they don't have anything else). And they know my children are the only way to get to me. But I am still not going to play into the game.....I will not answer my phone, I had my sister drop them off today, and I let BF listen to my messages so I don't even have to hear his voice! This is the only way!!
Anyway, the other message I got was about my son's a$$!! Yes he has a horrible rash in the crack of his a$$ I agree. But it is not my fault.... When he was at my mom/dad's house the other day they gave him POP...... I do not allow my kids to have Pop, so when they drink it they get a violent rash and are sore for a week. That is why people should listen to me and not give my babies things I tell them not to.....cause I know what will happen.. It is not cute, or funny, or a stab at me when you do, it only hurts them.... I DIGRESS!
So I get this nasty message from him saying... if I was getting too "ornery" to change my son's diaper, that he would just KEEP him, and let him live with him, and he expected an explanation about the kid's a$$ immediately.... OMG, OMG, OMG! I will die before I let that happen. Granted he only said this because he is mad that he didn't get to see me today (my sister dropped them off), and I will not cave and call him and fight with him and her, cause he would never take those two babies on to raise!! So I am trying to be the bigger person here, keep my mouth shut, and move on with my life. But damn he makes it hard. I want to call and give his old, ugly, fat a$$ a good old fashioned cussin' (as my beloved Mamaw would say.....may she R.I.P.), but that only feeds him....he enjoys it, he likes it when he thinks I give a shit what he says or does to me, and he thinks he is a STUD thinking I want him, and I will fight for him. I won't give him the satisfaction any more!
And, the last thing he did was......he got LB to make out my child support check. And? Is that all you can come up with you sick bastard? Ok, Ok, that used to bother me.....Now I couldn't care less if f*cking Daffy Duck wrote it, as long as the bank cashes it for me!!! He told my sister when he handed her the check "tell her good luck getting it cashed," what a f*cking DOUCHE BAG!
I miss my babies....this is the first time they have been with him in about 2 weeks (guess he could finally pencil them in). I hope they are ok, and that they are not afraid or feeling out of place with those strangers. My heart hurts for them, I wish they didn't have to go. It has to be chaos there, and they don't even have a room (Satan gave it to LB's kid), and their toys are in a closet---yep they have to play in the freakin' closet people!!!!
P.S.... My baby girl did the cutest thing yesterday.....she got the "Mommy" doll out of the dollhouse and brought it to me with the little girl baby. She said "make the Mommy hold the baby," so I did.....then she brought them back and make me fix them in the same position 50 times.
P.P.S...My baby boy did the cutest thing yesterday....after they finished their donuts I told them to put the bowls in the sink. Little Bubby (while rubbing my arm) stuck his bottom lip out and said "Mommy, preav get me more food." I thought I would croak!! It was adorable, but kind of sad thinking he was that hungry and was afraid the donuts were all he was getting, LOL!! As if! Those kids eat better than I do (Mothers never get to eat after the babies come!!).
Really, they are doing every thing they can to set me off, but guess what I am not falling for it. I do not have any more to say (and guess what? that makes them worse and they try even harder!) It started back up yesterday when I got a message from the devil himself saying what a great mother LB is and how my kids just love her and my son goes around the house looking for her (so, who gives a f*ck if he does?). But the fact is, I know my kids are not impressed with her because of the fact when they saw her on Wednesday they wouldn't even look at her when she spoke to them (that's right, they turned their little heads away and got in the vehicle with my BF and didn't give this bitch the time of day), LMAO, and she knows it. Granted, I do not teach my children to disrespect or not like anyone (for their own sake), but they have figured it out on their own... If she paid any attention to them at all on their visit, my daughter (Ms. DRAMA) would be squalling after her to go with her, but she doesn't! And my son loves my BF more than anyone in this world, and has ran to his arms while his so called Daddy was calling for him (which I thought served his old ass right for abandoning him, and letting another man raise him!!! Good for you Bubby!!). Anyway.....LB is not much of a mother....don't know how much I want to get into but....first of all her oldest son was taken away 3 times "failure to thrive" and the fact that she didn't feed him, her daughter is 11 and other son is 5 and she leaves them home alone. We even busted her once and know she did this....cause guess where she was? At the bottom of my driveway calling me obscenities while I was moving out of our "marital home" video taping me with my camera (to document all of MY STUFF that I removed from MY HOUSE)...and the police were sitting at her house with her children and NO MOTHER in sight!! They had to call her EX to come get them. (but of course nothing ever came of it, and she still has them--I swear some people can get away with murder!!)... And on New Year's Eve, she left the 5 year old boy at home with Satan....the whole time Satan was on the phone with me....talking incoherently, and telling the boy to go lay down.... OMG who does that? SHE DOES!! Anyway, I am so sick and tired of them attacking me.....they just do it because every thing I tell them is the truth, so they are forced to attack me with lies, hurt, and evilness (cause they don't have anything else). And they know my children are the only way to get to me. But I am still not going to play into the game.....I will not answer my phone, I had my sister drop them off today, and I let BF listen to my messages so I don't even have to hear his voice! This is the only way!!
Anyway, the other message I got was about my son's a$$!! Yes he has a horrible rash in the crack of his a$$ I agree. But it is not my fault.... When he was at my mom/dad's house the other day they gave him POP...... I do not allow my kids to have Pop, so when they drink it they get a violent rash and are sore for a week. That is why people should listen to me and not give my babies things I tell them not to.....cause I know what will happen.. It is not cute, or funny, or a stab at me when you do, it only hurts them.... I DIGRESS!
So I get this nasty message from him saying... if I was getting too "ornery" to change my son's diaper, that he would just KEEP him, and let him live with him, and he expected an explanation about the kid's a$$ immediately.... OMG, OMG, OMG! I will die before I let that happen. Granted he only said this because he is mad that he didn't get to see me today (my sister dropped them off), and I will not cave and call him and fight with him and her, cause he would never take those two babies on to raise!! So I am trying to be the bigger person here, keep my mouth shut, and move on with my life. But damn he makes it hard. I want to call and give his old, ugly, fat a$$ a good old fashioned cussin' (as my beloved Mamaw would say.....may she R.I.P.), but that only feeds him....he enjoys it, he likes it when he thinks I give a shit what he says or does to me, and he thinks he is a STUD thinking I want him, and I will fight for him. I won't give him the satisfaction any more!
And, the last thing he did was......he got LB to make out my child support check. And? Is that all you can come up with you sick bastard? Ok, Ok, that used to bother me.....Now I couldn't care less if f*cking Daffy Duck wrote it, as long as the bank cashes it for me!!! He told my sister when he handed her the check "tell her good luck getting it cashed," what a f*cking DOUCHE BAG!
I miss my babies....this is the first time they have been with him in about 2 weeks (guess he could finally pencil them in). I hope they are ok, and that they are not afraid or feeling out of place with those strangers. My heart hurts for them, I wish they didn't have to go. It has to be chaos there, and they don't even have a room (Satan gave it to LB's kid), and their toys are in a closet---yep they have to play in the freakin' closet people!!!!
P.S.... My baby girl did the cutest thing yesterday.....she got the "Mommy" doll out of the dollhouse and brought it to me with the little girl baby. She said "make the Mommy hold the baby," so I did.....then she brought them back and make me fix them in the same position 50 times.
P.P.S...My baby boy did the cutest thing yesterday....after they finished their donuts I told them to put the bowls in the sink. Little Bubby (while rubbing my arm) stuck his bottom lip out and said "Mommy, preav get me more food." I thought I would croak!! It was adorable, but kind of sad thinking he was that hungry and was afraid the donuts were all he was getting, LOL!! As if! Those kids eat better than I do (Mothers never get to eat after the babies come!!).
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