Thursday, March 11, 2010

Everybody has a POOP story, right? PART 1

As I read people's blogs I notice that everyone has a poop story......So I figured I would try my hand at telling my own stories......Who knows, I may do a mini-series on it.

When I met Satan (ex) his youngest son "Bob" had just turned 13 (and was to say the least, a "problem child"). After I had been around for a while I learned a BIG SECRET about Bob........
Yep, a 13 year old, foul mouthed, disrepectful, combative teenager, couldn't go the the bathroom to do #2. 

Anypoop, every night at the dinner table, the kid would shit before he sat down. I wanted to die...I had to try and choke down my food when all I could smell was SHIT! I finally sat the big Satan-myster down and said, somethings gotta give. I never wanted to humiliate the kid, but someone needed to help him, or teach him better. But no one ever did (and me being only his dad's gf, all I could do was bitch about it), and he did this until he was 15!!

Here are some of the other issues I dealt with with this kid.....easier to list them

1. One night we had a family game night, and the kid shit in the chair beside me, when he got up the whole seat of the chair was covered and I had to scrub it out!!
2. I found a corner of his closet that was full of his shitty underwear, under his bed, etc.
3. His room stunk so bad, the door had to be closed at all times
4. Febreeze was my bestie!!
5. I made the kid do his laundry seperate (downstairs) in a total different washer because it took 3 cycles to get the smell out of mine.....and all of my work clothes started to smell like shit!
6. I told him that it was unsanitary and he was going to kill us all by spreading shit all over the place!! LMAO
7. He would get in the shower to wash the shit off of himself every night, sometimes we had to MAKE HIM
8. Once we went to Olive Garden and he shit at the table, so Satan sent him next door to the mall.
9. Satan's mother, (kid's granny), wanted me to wash the shit out of his clothes before he washed them, or instead of throwing them away....NOT! I wouldn't go anywhere near any of it!
10. One time I picked up a dog toy out of the floor, only it wasn't a small toy, it was a PIECE OF PETRIFIED SHIT!! When I figured this out I screamed and threw it across the room, cussed really vulgar, then decided I should have shoved it down his neck!!

He finally stopped doing it after our house burned down. We moved in with Satan's parents, and Granny went to the store, bought some adult diapers and made him put them on......(YIKES).....he never did it again, go figure! I did say that he couldn't live with us in a brand new house and smear shit all over it.....

As I look back, WTF was I thinking, I was 24 years old, dealing with a 13 y/o kid that shit all over everything.......Why didn't I run as fast as I could out of there?


  1. O. M. G. I'd ask if you were shitting me, but obviously, you're not. That's ridiculous.

    Was it a psych/medical issue?

  2. This is the only time I heard of something like that.


  3. Nope, not shitting is 100% true. We even asked him if he needed a doctor, and I swear he said......he just didn't feel like getting up to go! He was so used to doing it! Talk about GROSS!


Give it to me straight from the heart.....