Wait Mommie, I forgot to give you a hug and a kiss!!!

My baby girl is so cute!!  Before she leaves me every Sunday to go with the devil, she says, "wait Mommie I forgot to give you a hug and a kiss."  Today she was asleep when we arrived to make the switch, and when I woke her up she said it (almost in her sleep), it was just too precious!  Not only does she do it to me, she does it to her Nana, bigtime. I think once she gave Nana like 20 hugs and kisses... Mom (Nana) would get half way up the street and Miss P would start screaming and crying and jumping up and down saying it... It was funny.  Finally Mom took off running to her house (which is the next house up, across the street), and Miss P was just devasted, but as soon as Nana was out of sight, the tears stopped and she was talking 100 miles an hour again about anything and everything....

I was proud of the little people today!  They BOTH wore underwears (that is how they say it... underwears) all day and did not have 1 single accident!  Maybe, just maybe they will be out of the diapers soon.  I hope so, cause they are getting way to big for me to have to explain why they are still in diapers!  The only thing I can say is.... Miss P (at 3 and 1/2) is stubborn and absolutely refuses to go to the potty sometimes!!  She has always been great with #1, but she refuses to go #2 in the potty.... She will cry and scream to put a diaper on.... I have no idea why she can't do both in the bathroom, but maybe she will get over it soon.  My little Bubby (at 2 and 1/2) has showed no interest until now, but he picked right up on it yesterday and did a mighty fine job!!  He would tell us today that he had to go.  I hope Satan continues with the underwear and doesn't just shove them back in a diaper.... cause that will send them into a set back....  ANYWAY.....

Hope things start looking up soon....

We had fun tonight!!!

I am so tired of thinking about everything bad going on in life!!  So tonight I am going to post about what a good time we had.  Just sitting at home being together.

The other day my kids brought home a little music CD from McDonald's (they call it Macky Donald's, LOL) or wherever they had went that day with Nana.  So tonight I popped it in the DVD player and the music quickly filled the air, and their little blue eyes lit up.  If they didn't think I was silly already, they do now.... I started dancing and laughing and they stood there aghast with their little mouths hanging open. 

But it didn't take long for the laughter to commence.... And little Bubby was the first to let his legs buckle at the knees and start to join in on the fun.  He was bouncing with the beat and grinning from ear to ear.  Then Miss Priss started screaming.... "shake your booty Mommie."  I love to hear giggles from babies, there is nothing better, and after they started I got even more into it.

I grabbed 2 hair brushes and handed them to each one of them to use as a microphone.  I grabbed Bubby's arms and danced across the floor with him.... then I slung him unto my hip and did circles and spun him around.  After a while he got heavy so I put him down, then I grabbed up the BF and we danced happily while the babies watched and cheered us on.  Finally the BF grabbed Bubby, and I grabbed Miss Priss and we were all spinning, twirling, laughing, and dancing until we were breathless. 

It was the best time we have had in a long time.... For a minute I forgot about all the problems we struggle with everyday and we were just able to be free and enjoy life:)  I hope no matter what my kids do without, fun will not be on the list.  We can still love each other and have fun and live happily. if nothing else, we have each other, and that is all that matters!!

Things are getting worse....

Being without any form of income (for over a month now) is starting to catch up with me, fast.  At first things were all good.  I was kind of caught up, I had money in my pocket, etc. Now, not so much.....

I couldn't pay the rent. I wrote my land-lady a letter explaining what is going on, and that I would catch up as soon as possible. I figured she would understand since a) I have NEVER not paid her, and b) I have NEVER been late...  Well she is not taking the news all that well.  She called to tell me that she can't make any payments without that money (I do understand that, honestly I do), I just don't know what to tell her? And keep in mind it is only the 8th of the month when she calls....

I tried to get money from the school, and I may be able to, but it will be at least 30 days.  They are now not letting people get any money for 30 days after the term starts because some students come to class 1 time, get a check, then never come back (or they do it all over again the next term)... Obviously I am not one of those kinds of students because a) I had almost perfect attendance, and b) I made straight A's.  But it doesn't matter cause one bad apple spoils the bunch, right?

I called my lawyer CRYING... told him I was about to be evicted because I can't pay the rent.... He was less than helpful... asked me if the EX had made any payments since the last court date (OBVIOUSLY NOT)... and he said he would send a letter to the EX's lawyer telling her we would bring it up in court the next time we go (the 16th)... Thanks a lot.... Glad it is my kids and not YOURS that are going to be homeless!! 

Now onto my next situation.... Why do people tell me to get a JOB when.....
-I am a full-time college student
-I have 2 small children I have to be home with (who would watch them, and if they did how would I pay for it anyway?)
-I can't even find a f*cking job
-I had a great mother f*cking job until I married a f*cking loser who told me to quit my great f*cking job, and he would take care of us, then he left us for a f*cking whore that worked at the f*cking gas station, and then he told her to quit her f*cking job, now he takes care of her ugly f*cking a$$ and her kids.  And he f*cking forgot that he has 2 little kids, and it takes f*cking money to raise them!!

We did go to church on Sunday with my grandparents.... At least that made my heart feel a little better:)

Brokedown, Busted, and Disgusted!!!

Let's start with the anger issues, shall we?  On Tuesday when the ex (Satan) met me to pick the kids up, his Mistress (as in the Devil's Mistress, LOL) was driving him around (remember he has no license because of the arrests)... They also had HER youngest kid with them. Anyway, obviously I hate this B*TCH and everytime I see her, or know that she is going to be around my children, my blood starts boiling, and I lose my freakin' mind!

Satan owes me $1250. (this Tuesday it will be $1450.).... He has not paid me a penny in almost a month. I honestly don't know how I am surviving... all I can say is BARELY.  Thank God for my Dad loaning me some cash last week (to keep my internet on). And thank the state for giving me money to buy food, or else my little munchkins would be starving (obviously they are not, look at them, LOL). And thanks to me for paying the electric bill ahead last time.

Now, when I saw them heading toward town to go out to eat, I lost my sh*t!!  I called this sorry excuse for a man and started screaming at him!!! I was wondering how if he couldn't pay his child-support could he afford to take the whole "fam damily" out to eat, or out on the town?  This is ridiculous people!!!! We can't live (I am officially late on my rent, which has never happened before)....but he can shove his big face full of eat out food!! How can he get away with it you ask? Well last time we went to court, his lawyer told the judge that he was broke and couldn't afford to pay me, and it may be 2/3 more weeks until he can.... So I am just out of luck... and my babies are too!

On another note..... Satan's lawyer called my boyfriend's boss. Oh.yes.she.did.... Asked him if I had ever been removed from the farm he works at.... WTF? Where do these people come up with the CRAP they accuse me of? I just went to one of the owner's funerals last month (the guy loved me).... And I have been in and out of there several times bringing the bf lunch and hanging out (never been one ounce of trouble).  My nephew even works there now...  The boss told her NO (never any trouble) but how much do you want to bet she brings it up in court anyway, and says I did it???? And how much more do you want to bet that the judge will believe her????  She also made up this story one time saying I was removed from my job and put in a rehab center (this NEVER happened either)... yet she said she had proof, but no one ever saw it.. And the judge never asks me if it is true or not.... just gets mad at me for speaking out, or interrupting in court.

I just can't keep fighting these people, and that is what they want... So I don't know what to do, it is all so unbelievable and PAINFUL.... You know it really hurts when someone attacks your character and says you are a bad person.... when in all honesty you have done nothing wrong. And the man you thought loved you took away everything you ever had (job, money, home, security, trust, family, pride, self-esteem, etc.) and he attacks you daily and shoves piles of sh*t in your face!!!!

The bf asked the boss if he would right a letter to the court to say this incident never happened, and guess what???? He said NO.... He said they could call him, but he wouldn't write anything out on paper... WHAT A JERK.... I guess people can't write out the truth anymore??  I wish that Jimmy (his other boss that just died) was still alive.... he would have went to court with me and told them they were full of it!!  He was one of those "good old guys" that used to always tell bf how nice I looked or how sweet I was, LOL....That always made me feel good:)

I swear if I don't get some money soon I am going to break-down..... I will no longer have gas to go to school or anywhere for that matter, money to pay any bills, no phone, no internet, no air-conditioning, no water, no lights, no diapers or wipes, no laundry detergent (just think of all the things it takes money to buy)......WOW

I can't get any help from the state (besides what I already get....) because he is supposed to pay a certain amount and that is what they count (not whether he pays or not).... And I can't have him arrested because his lawyer told the judge all that crap above..... Does the system not care about women and children who have nothing.... against a man that took it all???

My day in court....

First off, the judge HATES me! I mean with a passion, that no one that doesn't even know you should have. The very first time I went to court, she accused me of being on drugs. When I asked why.... Her response was, "because of the way you look." I have no idea how one is supposed to "look" when they are going through a gut-wrenching divorce.

How did I look, you ask? Well I had a dress on, I was clean, my make-up and hair were precise, but I had also just lost 40 pounds in 2 weeks due to the horror of emotions I was trying to face, and on top of that, I was bleary eyed from crying and being up all night the night before. Also, because I dared to asked to speak in her courtroom, I guess she thought I was challenging her, she belittled, humiliated me, and made me fear her wrath! I, being the stubborn red-head (naturally) that I am, wanted to defend the accusations being hurled at me, faster than I could blink (by ex's attorney). They said I was an unfit mother, that he basically raised the babies alone (when he wasn't working 24/7), I was a gold-digger, a whore, a bum that wouldn't work, an addict, a trouble-maker, and was a terrible person.

Satan is good in court. He knows how to work the system, he plays on their sympathy, looks pitiful, and never speaks out of turn (I can understand, considering neither of my lawyers have ever hurled insults at him, or accused him of anything that is not true!!).

So this time at court, I thought I had at least one thing going for me, custody, or at least protection for my children, boy was I WRONG! We finally had proof against him, concrete evidence!!

I have to set this up..... Satan came into the courtroom wearing an "ankle bracelet" that they give criminals to track their whereabouts or monitor alcohol intake (not sure which reason he had it on for), he was arrested 2 times in 37 days, left the scene of the accident both times, no license, and he admitted to flying to Florida to buy illegal medicine. He is facing Wanton Endangerment Charges.....

When we approached the issue.... the judge looks at me and says.......

Judge: I don't like to grant sole-custody, besides, the allegations against him are no different than the allegations they claim against you from the beginning of the case....
Me: WTF? and I dared to speak outloud.... but I have never been arrested, never had charges, never wrecked a vehicle, never been in any trouble IN MY LIFE, there is no proof.
Judge: looking to the people around her laughing.... you don't have to have charges... sometimes the court makes its own "implications."
Me: dumbfounded and shocked......wondering what..just..happened... she just "implyed" that she thought I was an addict. What gives her the right? Is this legal?
Judge: I am ordering both of you to go across the street to take a drug test....
Me: Fine with me, I have nothing to hide
Ex's lawyer: Judge, he will probably be "dirty," he is trying to get clean, so it might still be in his system.
Judge: It only takes 72 hours for pills to get out of your system. It is going to be too bad if either of you test positive to anything you've had to pay for....
Me: Still wondering, WTF?
Satan: sweating, shaking, looking like he was going to puke and die.

So now, we have to go to court, again, on June 16th (or was it July) to get divorced, not even to decide on any kind of property agreement (that I'm not going to get anyway).  All they did was order him to continue paying his maintenance and child-support as is, until my son turns 3 (5 more months).

Also, his lawyer said he had been "looking for jobs," and he even put an application in at McDonald's, all I can say is WTFEver!! I can only pray that all this bad karma catches up with him, and he really does have to ask me if I "want fries with that?"

THROAT PUNCH THURSDAY--MAD MOMMIE EDITION!!!!

Well I have heard the idea of "throat punch thursday" thrown around. And this is the perfect Thursday for me to give it a go!! (if nothing else, scroll down for the picture--worth it, I promise!!)

Tomorrow--Friday, I will finally be divorced. The divorce was filed in December of 2008. I have no idea why or how in the world it takes so damn long to say "I don't" when it took all of 5 seconds to say "I do."

At the beginning of the week I was optimistic, even thought I hand one-upped him.....and I was finally going ot kick him where it counts. I may have been way off.

Turns out this Mother Effer is in foreclosure at the bank (so he/his lawyer says), and that means I can not squeeze one dime out of his old, ornery, stinky, filthy, ugly, cheating, lying, backstabbing, worthless ASS!
I will more than likely not get any type of maintenance after tomorrow, and my child support will GO DOWN.

I swear to God I think this is a "tactic" he has cooked up with his lawyer, and as soon as I sign the papers, he will get straight with the bank, and all will be hunky-dory, and he will resume life as normal. And all of his assets will be fine.... and he will keep everything. BUT, there is no way for me to prove this, and no way for me to give a lawyer more money to fight it. So basically, unless God has one more little miracle for me, I am screwed. I continue to have faith though, and hope for the best!! It is in God's hands, and I will get what I am supposed to get....nothing more....nothing less......that is all I can believe right now, if not I would just DIE because it would hurt so bad....knowing he doesn't even care that he is leaving us destitute!

As much as we live "hand to mouth" imagine what it will be like when I get less than $500. a month (from someone that makes over $250,000 a year)!! I am just beside myself and don't know what I am going to do! And I stay upset and worried with a big knot in my stomach.... wondering how we will survive.

Turns out, the person with the more money to pay their lawyer, gets more in the divorce, and can even get out of taking care of their own children, and can pick and chose which days they care to visit them as well. As of right now, he gets them on Sunday and Tuesday nights which means I can not go out on a Friday or Saturday night to do any grown up things, like normal people (including him) can do, I don't mean every weekend either, but shouldn't he have a weekend a month?.... But, I am hoping after court he will not be able to take them at all, until he gets his life straightened out... I am all about them seeing their Daddy, but not at the risk of him hurting one of them, while driving while intoxicated, or not being in his right mind to take care of them while he has them.

And remember me saying the post before last about the arrests and the charges he has pending against him? Turns out they are using that to their benefit.... he is going to admit to the court that he is a drunken addict loser, and therefore can not work and pay me any money. Doesn't that just figure?

I swear I may just kick his old ass myself!! I really might kick him in his bad knee, then jump on top of him when he drops and pummell his face in with my fists, then guage his eyes out, twist off his nose, stomp on his bad toes, drop an elbow on him, pull his hair out from the roots, knock what remaining teeth he has out of his face, and make sure that he can never reproduce, or even use that "equipment" again!

I AM THAT MAD.

The very LEAST I can hope for is that the judge grants me sole-custody....then my precious, precious babies will not have to be exposed to such a sorry excuse for a man! You can bet he will never sit through a supervised visit, therefore, he will never see those babies again.... And with his lifestyle, he shouldn't!!

Mommie Dearest answers Monday Minute "Snort" Addition.....

I am linking up with Ian over at The Daily Dose of Reality for the Monday Minute (dedicated to Daffy our bloggy buddy this week)

1 - Do you *snort*?
(what kind of *snort* are we talking about here Ian???)
-When I laugh sometimes I snort, sometimes I have been known to get so weak from laughing that I do actually roll around on the floor.......and if it is really funny I laugh so hard I start crying (actual tears)
-The Ex *snorts* heavy narcotics up his nose

2 - Our friend has a nickname, and it's Daffy. What's your nickname?Have a few.... My older sis always calls me by my first and middle name.... My Dad called me Gayle Baby until I was about 20 (embarrassed me to death).... The EX used to call me Tater Tot (I had personalized plates that said T8RTOT), princess, honey, and when he was mad he called me "Little Girl" but only ONE TIME..... The BF calls me his Baby Pumpkin (not sure why).....


3 - Do you know sign language?
I know the alphabet... I always spell out "I love you" to my new boyfriends (past & present) before I can actually say it outloud......

4 - What's a sample convo from your hood?
Baby-girl from the backseat (on the way to see her Dad), within a 30 minute time frame.....
BG: Mommie, one time when it was raining we almost wrecked the car in the woad (road)...
me: yep we sure did that was scary huh?
BG: I am going to tell Daddy that he is not allowed to cut my hair, cause I am Mommie's baby, and only Mommie is allowed to cut my hair...
me: that's right you don't let anyone cut your hair but Mommie, cause we are trying to let it grow out...
BG: Nana feeds me all kinds of food.....like yo-gurt and pud-ding and lots of stuff, and it makes me poop in my diaper......
me: you know you are a big girl and need to poop in the potty....you can't go to school until you poop in the potty
BG: well Nana feeds me all that food that makes me poop in my diaper
me: well Nana needs to stop doing that, so you can poop in the potty
BG: Mommie roll down the windows cause I am sweating.....
me: I can't roll down the windows cause the air is on......
BG: But MOM-MIE I want the windows down...
me: ok, ok, I will roll them down, can you not feel the air back there? Is that better?
BG: Bubby is sleeping
me: he is?
BG: I wish Daddy had a house like my house....
me: why?
BG: Cause I want Daddy to have a house like my house.....
me: ok
BG: Mommie, this is the way we always go to see Daddy....we have to be careful not to wreck, cause it would hurt me and mommie and bubby.....then we would have to walk to see Daddy.....
BG: Why are we stopping
me: cause we are at a red-light
BG: why are those cars going?
me: cause there light is green
BG: why are we stopping
me: ok, enough, let's listen to the radio
BG: why are we stopping
BG: is Daddy here, who is driving Daddy?

5 - Do you sleep with electronic devices - i.e. laptop, Blackberry, iPhone, etc?
My phone is beside the bed, my computer lays at the foot of the bed, the tv is on (sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night and change the channel when I don't like what is on)