I saw this questionaire on a blog I follow over at
http://adventuresofthereluctanthousewife.blogspot.com/, so I decided I would take part... I have never done this before, but I am trying to reach out and find new followers and meet new people, because I am bored and lonely, and need some socialization (like a puppy, ROFL)
I want to know more about you. The following 5 questions were compiled by a team of (imaginary) social psychologists - experts in the field of human behaviour. These questions were found, based on years of research, testing and social experiments, to be those most likely to allow me to understand who you are and what makes you tick. I look forward to learning all about you. You can answer the question in the comments here or at grab the questions (without my answers) for a post at your blog (because they are just that good, the social psychologists really outdid themselves)... If you take them to your blog, don't forget to leave a link to the post in the comments.
1. How often do you clean your baseboards? Well usually never....although if I see a dirt mark or stain or something offensive I have been known to get out of bed to clean it.... some things just take over my head sometimes....and once I get started I will go crazy on it, clean it feverishly, then leave it until the next time I get offended.
2. What is on your bedside table? Diet Pop, my medicine, alarm clock, cell phone, a printer, remote, a few CDs, really it isn't as bad as it sounds, LOL
3. Of the pictures and other decoraty stuff hanging on the walls in your home, describe your favourite. Why is it your favourite? Well, I haven't decorated this place to my liking yet....before the divorce, when I had my HOME, I had some pictures I took of the dogs (6 at the time), I made them black and white, put them in matted frames and hung them nicely on the wall. People thought they were professional pics, I was flattered.
4. What song do you remember with nostalgia from when you were young? A lullaby? A song you danced to with your first boy/girlfriend? A solo you sang in choir? The first rock anthem of your teenage rebelion? For some stupid reason....the song country by Dan Seals, "Bop," or John Anderson's "Swangin'" and yes that is not a typo, it is not swinging, ROFL
5. Do you think Jude Law is hotter with our without a mustache? (sorry picture wouldn't copy)
I saw definitely WITHOUT a mustache.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Why are some people so sensitive?
Why are some people so sensitive?
I am talking about ME! I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. The EX (Satan) used to say my heart was bigger than my brain, because I will put myself out in order to do something for someone else. Making people happy makes me happy.....And when someone is in pain, I feel it too. I would rather hurt myself than ever say anything to make someone else hurt. That is just me..... I know, I am STUPID!
People always ask me why I let Satan hurt me so bad, and still I speak to him, and still I can't seem to see him as the way he is now.....only how he was, how I want him to still be......
The only conclusion I can come to is this.......I was tormented so much as a child.....teased, taunted, laughed at, tortured, shunned, I grew up knowing how that felt, and could never inflict pain on anyone else, I am used to it, why should anyone else have to feel it? This leads me to the conclusion that HE was the first person to ever make me feel good about myself. He worshiped me, he lavished me with gifts, love, and affection.....and I liked it. But the person that took me to the top of the heavens also drug me to the pits of hell. I need to accept it, and realize there is someone else out there that is willing to do the same for me, and I am worthy of that, I deserve it. I am no longer the rejected FAT KID, no longer a catterpilar.....I am a beautiful woman, all grown up, the butterfly that always was.....but has now emerged! I can let go of all the pain from my past, and in turn I can let HIM go! I can not feel like his rejection is the same as that I experienced years ago. This is his loss, he will be the one to suffer, not me, I will be victorious, I will win!!
I made homeade chicken noodle soup for supper....everyone agreed it was great. We had sweet peas and biscuits too.
Here is how I made the "chicken soup" it was too easy.
3 chicken breasts
large can of cream of chicken soup
cans of chicken broth
can of sliced carrots
splash of milk
salt and pepper
I cooked the chicken breasts with the broth in a glass pan for over an hour. The I cooked the egg noodles on top of the stove, drained the water, added the cream of chicken soup, and some of the broth from the chicken and a splash of milk....cut up the chicken with kitchen shears and threw it in, then added the carrots at the very end. Oh yeah, throw in some salt & pepper to taste....there ya go, cheap and easy enough!! I think if I would have had it, I would have added some celery and maybe even some onions?? Who knows, I cook all the time, and try different things.....
I am talking about ME! I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. The EX (Satan) used to say my heart was bigger than my brain, because I will put myself out in order to do something for someone else. Making people happy makes me happy.....And when someone is in pain, I feel it too. I would rather hurt myself than ever say anything to make someone else hurt. That is just me..... I know, I am STUPID!
People always ask me why I let Satan hurt me so bad, and still I speak to him, and still I can't seem to see him as the way he is now.....only how he was, how I want him to still be......
The only conclusion I can come to is this.......I was tormented so much as a child.....teased, taunted, laughed at, tortured, shunned, I grew up knowing how that felt, and could never inflict pain on anyone else, I am used to it, why should anyone else have to feel it? This leads me to the conclusion that HE was the first person to ever make me feel good about myself. He worshiped me, he lavished me with gifts, love, and affection.....and I liked it. But the person that took me to the top of the heavens also drug me to the pits of hell. I need to accept it, and realize there is someone else out there that is willing to do the same for me, and I am worthy of that, I deserve it. I am no longer the rejected FAT KID, no longer a catterpilar.....I am a beautiful woman, all grown up, the butterfly that always was.....but has now emerged! I can let go of all the pain from my past, and in turn I can let HIM go! I can not feel like his rejection is the same as that I experienced years ago. This is his loss, he will be the one to suffer, not me, I will be victorious, I will win!!
I made homeade chicken noodle soup for supper....everyone agreed it was great. We had sweet peas and biscuits too.
Here is how I made the "chicken soup" it was too easy.
3 chicken breasts
large can of cream of chicken soup
cans of chicken broth
can of sliced carrots
splash of milk
salt and pepper
I cooked the chicken breasts with the broth in a glass pan for over an hour. The I cooked the egg noodles on top of the stove, drained the water, added the cream of chicken soup, and some of the broth from the chicken and a splash of milk....cut up the chicken with kitchen shears and threw it in, then added the carrots at the very end. Oh yeah, throw in some salt & pepper to taste....there ya go, cheap and easy enough!! I think if I would have had it, I would have added some celery and maybe even some onions?? Who knows, I cook all the time, and try different things.....
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
OMG, OMG, OMG........and WTF?
Well, I was sitting here today minding my own business and guess what?? HE showed up.... When I say HE, I mean the one and only Satan himself (the S.T.B EX HUSBAND). Before I knew what hit me, I saw his mug on the other side of the door. I was caught too off-guard to do anything but stand there with my mouth gaping open in utter disbelief. This is especially eerie because yesterday I made a call to his girlfriend spilling my guts and telling her if they were to be together he needs to leave me alone (not the first call I have made to her, I have even left a note in her house (formally home of myself and children) when I was there while she was in Florida and left him alone). Ok, so I knew this was NO GOOD! Sidenote: New BF would be home within hours, my children were at the sitters and I needed to pick them up. Luckily my sister pulled up minutes later, ended up staying the whole time, and was able to make the appropriate calls to head off the disaster waiting to happen.
Ok, now let's back up to the beginning. After I opened the door, as I stood in awe, Satan handed me a bag, brushed past me, took his boots and coveralls off, and proceeded to sit on the couch. SILENCE filled the air, and you cut have cut the tension with a knife. I wondered WTF he wanted, WTF was he doing here? Ok, thankfully my sister (the one who is a total mess) blows in, takes over the conversation, never shutting up for a second.... She blatantly calls him a drunk, calls his girlfriend a whore, tells him he is a POS (not literally but intentionally), then asks him when he is leaving.....In other words, she made things worse, and me wanting to die, turned into more of a slow and agonizing death!!
Finally after he had received enough abuse, or was tired of listening to her go on and on (the whole time while she had the phone to her ear, talking to 17 different people) he got up and hobbled to the door (recently had a wreck while in a drunken stupor).
I was not prepared for what I was about to hear when I walked him out to his car. He told me he wanted to put my SUV in my mom or dad's name (fine with me) because he was going broke and if they didn't take everything he had, he would have to file bankruptcy. WTF? Then he said that he did all this "crazy stuff" (leaving wife & kids, taking drugs, being an alcoholic) because he has known for a while that this (going broke) was happening, so he wanted people to think that his antics is what caused it.....and not blame me..... Double WTF? That to date is the sorriest excuse for a man abandoning his family that I have ever heard, in my life!
Now, I was buying the bankrupt story for a breif moment (cause he is blowing thru money like it grows on trees, buying stuff, drugging it up, being stupid), but then the best is yet to come. He asks me to call my lawyer (and he will call his) and we can tell them we are done fighting, and want a simple divorce to get it over with, then we can live together. Wait a damn minute, back up the motherfucking truck.....What did you just say to me? So at this point, I wake up out of my trance to finally try and piece everything together.
This SOB is trying to trick me into not getting anything from him in the divorce. He is mad about me ruining it for him and his girlfriend (which he brought that all on himself)....and he told me this big sob story, lured me in by giving me my truck which is freakin' paid for (and is mine anyway, just in his name)----and then the the bastard is going to leave me high and dry. Well you selfish pitiful excuse for a husband and father........I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night. (well actually it was 7:42 a.m. thankyouverymuch). I would not be surprised if him and his girlfriend have set up this elaborate scheme to trick me, and lure me into their trap....NOT this time pussycat! (his gf is crazy as f#ck, I mean really!)
I also learned he was waiting for current BF to come home and have a little confrontation, which was averted, thank God!!
PS.......This is the 2nd night he didn't take the kids, and go figure I didn't get my child support! And he says he isn't going to take them again until she is gone... I say Fat Chance she will ever even leave! So I guess my kids are out in the cold again!!
Ok, now let's back up to the beginning. After I opened the door, as I stood in awe, Satan handed me a bag, brushed past me, took his boots and coveralls off, and proceeded to sit on the couch. SILENCE filled the air, and you cut have cut the tension with a knife. I wondered WTF he wanted, WTF was he doing here? Ok, thankfully my sister (the one who is a total mess) blows in, takes over the conversation, never shutting up for a second.... She blatantly calls him a drunk, calls his girlfriend a whore, tells him he is a POS (not literally but intentionally), then asks him when he is leaving.....In other words, she made things worse, and me wanting to die, turned into more of a slow and agonizing death!!
Finally after he had received enough abuse, or was tired of listening to her go on and on (the whole time while she had the phone to her ear, talking to 17 different people) he got up and hobbled to the door (recently had a wreck while in a drunken stupor).
I was not prepared for what I was about to hear when I walked him out to his car. He told me he wanted to put my SUV in my mom or dad's name (fine with me) because he was going broke and if they didn't take everything he had, he would have to file bankruptcy. WTF? Then he said that he did all this "crazy stuff" (leaving wife & kids, taking drugs, being an alcoholic) because he has known for a while that this (going broke) was happening, so he wanted people to think that his antics is what caused it.....and not blame me..... Double WTF? That to date is the sorriest excuse for a man abandoning his family that I have ever heard, in my life!
Now, I was buying the bankrupt story for a breif moment (cause he is blowing thru money like it grows on trees, buying stuff, drugging it up, being stupid), but then the best is yet to come. He asks me to call my lawyer (and he will call his) and we can tell them we are done fighting, and want a simple divorce to get it over with, then we can live together. Wait a damn minute, back up the motherfucking truck.....What did you just say to me? So at this point, I wake up out of my trance to finally try and piece everything together.
This SOB is trying to trick me into not getting anything from him in the divorce. He is mad about me ruining it for him and his girlfriend (which he brought that all on himself)....and he told me this big sob story, lured me in by giving me my truck which is freakin' paid for (and is mine anyway, just in his name)----and then the the bastard is going to leave me high and dry. Well you selfish pitiful excuse for a husband and father........I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night. (well actually it was 7:42 a.m. thankyouverymuch). I would not be surprised if him and his girlfriend have set up this elaborate scheme to trick me, and lure me into their trap....NOT this time pussycat! (his gf is crazy as f#ck, I mean really!)
I also learned he was waiting for current BF to come home and have a little confrontation, which was averted, thank God!!
PS.......This is the 2nd night he didn't take the kids, and go figure I didn't get my child support! And he says he isn't going to take them again until she is gone... I say Fat Chance she will ever even leave! So I guess my kids are out in the cold again!!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Freakin' Dogs!!
Ok, I will be the first to admit that I am a huge dog lover. Yes I have even dressed up my little dog a time or two (before I had babies to tend to). I have also mourned the loss of my dogs as if they were members of my immediate family.......
Today is not such a "dog loving" day!!
These furry ass bitches are getting on my last nerve! I have 2 dogs at the moment (Paris-the CHUG which means she is pug/chihuahua mix, and Dixie who is a flop eared fawn boxer. I swear that they are worse than the babies! Ok, let me give you a run down (or typical day/night at my house). First of all Dixie is about 6 months old, she cries about every 3 hours at night to go outside....then she tries to tear the damn door down to get back inside, it sounds like the po-lice beatin on the door!! When we let her in she runs straight for a kid and proceeds to knock them down, or lick them in the face, or pounce directly on the little dog! So with this I have to listen to babies screaming/crying, dogs fighting, and me yelling/cussing.
Then I have to deal with the kids chasing Paris around trying to maul her, then in turn Paris following the kids around taking the food out of their hands, waiting for it to hit the ground, running in the kitchen when a package opens, sitting in front of people while they eat, sniffing and licking the floor constantly searching for crumbs....I swear to you that fat bitch would eat until she exploded! She has no stopping point. Every time my dad comes over here (lives across the street) he feeds her right off his plate, making things worse, then accuses me of not feeding her..... I am like "DAD, have you not seen how fat this bitch is?" and he is like, "well she looks hungry, and her bowl is empty," yes that is because she eats it all as soon as I fill it up....and she gets plenty, probably more than she should, and the fact that she eats everything that hits the floor or gets set down clearly says to me she is NOT STARVING!! I am constantly screaming at that black bitch to get her ass to her bed! Which means, go lay in your basket with the soft pillow and blanket that mommy made for you, and stop hounding everyone about food before you die of a heart attack you morbidly obese motherfucker! (believe me, I am the first to know about weight issues). It has also gotten to the point that Paris refuses to go outside with Dixie because of the constant harrassment. And now the fucking whore has decided to shit in the babies' room up under their beds....then disappear as if I won't know it is her that did it!! Does she honestly believe I will think the baby did it? And every night instead of sleeping in her bed, she lays at the foot of my bed and constantly digs, scratches, likes, sneezes, farts, and makes all kinds of bodity noises to make sure I don't sleep!!! Also, when they go outside together they end up chasing any car that goes down the road (we live in the Country on a gravel lane with 4 houses, but it never fails a car will go by) at this time I stand in the door turning purple trying to get their attention so they do not get their heads ran over! Ok, I know you are all appalled...but Paris never did this before.....we had a trolley system that Dixie ran on--until that piece of shit dug up the cable lines and disconnected it for us (so we have to re-bury before we can hook her back up)......and we have a dog pen but it is only 10x10 and both dogs refuse to shit in it because of the size (guessing). So I usually just open the door and let them out watching to make sure they do their business then come back....sometimes I get distracted. (until I hear crazy barking and look out to find them chasing the cars)
Another issue...Dixie can make the living room look like a tornado hit it (I thought the babies snuck back home from the sitter, ROFL)...I got up, went in there and garbage drug out of the can, the sheets were off the couch (our way of stain resistance), the pillows were in the floor, the toys were scattered all over the room, laundry baskets uprooted, she had peed in three spots????she just went out 30 minutes ago!! She also like to find baby toys and eat them.
Ok, so this is the part of my post where I start feeling bad about saying harsh things about my pets. And I say I LOVE THEM, and we do have special moments too. Like, the fact that Dixie is laying in the bed with me, after she jumped up here when she heard me typing, and the forever faithful Paris is beside the bed loyally waiting for her master to give her a kind word. And even though Dixie is pushing 50 pounds she thinks she is a "lap-dog" and sometimes we let her be. And Paris has never offered to bite a child even though they have tried to kill her (unintentially I'm sure), and she misses them when they are gone and lays beside their toys. I guess me and the dogs have a love/hate relationship just like the babies do with each other.
Today is not such a "dog loving" day!!
These furry ass bitches are getting on my last nerve! I have 2 dogs at the moment (Paris-the CHUG which means she is pug/chihuahua mix, and Dixie who is a flop eared fawn boxer. I swear that they are worse than the babies! Ok, let me give you a run down (or typical day/night at my house). First of all Dixie is about 6 months old, she cries about every 3 hours at night to go outside....then she tries to tear the damn door down to get back inside, it sounds like the po-lice beatin on the door!! When we let her in she runs straight for a kid and proceeds to knock them down, or lick them in the face, or pounce directly on the little dog! So with this I have to listen to babies screaming/crying, dogs fighting, and me yelling/cussing.
Then I have to deal with the kids chasing Paris around trying to maul her, then in turn Paris following the kids around taking the food out of their hands, waiting for it to hit the ground, running in the kitchen when a package opens, sitting in front of people while they eat, sniffing and licking the floor constantly searching for crumbs....I swear to you that fat bitch would eat until she exploded! She has no stopping point. Every time my dad comes over here (lives across the street) he feeds her right off his plate, making things worse, then accuses me of not feeding her..... I am like "DAD, have you not seen how fat this bitch is?" and he is like, "well she looks hungry, and her bowl is empty," yes that is because she eats it all as soon as I fill it up....and she gets plenty, probably more than she should, and the fact that she eats everything that hits the floor or gets set down clearly says to me she is NOT STARVING!! I am constantly screaming at that black bitch to get her ass to her bed! Which means, go lay in your basket with the soft pillow and blanket that mommy made for you, and stop hounding everyone about food before you die of a heart attack you morbidly obese motherfucker! (believe me, I am the first to know about weight issues). It has also gotten to the point that Paris refuses to go outside with Dixie because of the constant harrassment. And now the fucking whore has decided to shit in the babies' room up under their beds....then disappear as if I won't know it is her that did it!! Does she honestly believe I will think the baby did it? And every night instead of sleeping in her bed, she lays at the foot of my bed and constantly digs, scratches, likes, sneezes, farts, and makes all kinds of bodity noises to make sure I don't sleep!!! Also, when they go outside together they end up chasing any car that goes down the road (we live in the Country on a gravel lane with 4 houses, but it never fails a car will go by) at this time I stand in the door turning purple trying to get their attention so they do not get their heads ran over! Ok, I know you are all appalled...but Paris never did this before.....we had a trolley system that Dixie ran on--until that piece of shit dug up the cable lines and disconnected it for us (so we have to re-bury before we can hook her back up)......and we have a dog pen but it is only 10x10 and both dogs refuse to shit in it because of the size (guessing). So I usually just open the door and let them out watching to make sure they do their business then come back....sometimes I get distracted. (until I hear crazy barking and look out to find them chasing the cars)
Another issue...Dixie can make the living room look like a tornado hit it (I thought the babies snuck back home from the sitter, ROFL)...I got up, went in there and garbage drug out of the can, the sheets were off the couch (our way of stain resistance), the pillows were in the floor, the toys were scattered all over the room, laundry baskets uprooted, she had peed in three spots????she just went out 30 minutes ago!! She also like to find baby toys and eat them.
Ok, so this is the part of my post where I start feeling bad about saying harsh things about my pets. And I say I LOVE THEM, and we do have special moments too. Like, the fact that Dixie is laying in the bed with me, after she jumped up here when she heard me typing, and the forever faithful Paris is beside the bed loyally waiting for her master to give her a kind word. And even though Dixie is pushing 50 pounds she thinks she is a "lap-dog" and sometimes we let her be. And Paris has never offered to bite a child even though they have tried to kill her (unintentially I'm sure), and she misses them when they are gone and lays beside their toys. I guess me and the dogs have a love/hate relationship just like the babies do with each other.
Slow ASS computer!!!
I am starting to HATE this damn Internet connection! I pay over $60. a month for wireless Internet.....(don't know if I should say what it is on here but it is similar to BS & S--got it?) and let me tell you it is CRAP! I can not watch any videos, can not see most pictures, can not download music, can barely check email..... So what is the point? Every now and then if I try 100 times I am able to post a blog entry or check my facebook or myspace updates, maybe even find a recipe.......I have no home phone so can't even get dial up....and we live out in the STICKS, so no cable connection either, and I looked into Satellite connection only to find out it is about $500. up front and $100. a month. Well maybe if I sold some blood every day for a week I could afford that.....NOT! I guess I will just keep looking, until I stumble onto something great and cheap????
Satan called me at 11:00 and informed me that he wasn't picking his children up today. GREAT! I guess mothers don't need a break? It really must be nice to be able to pick and choose what times are convenient to be a parent. By the way, his drunk a$$ was calling me at 3:45 AM night before last......turns out he wrecked his truck (08-Diesel, which was nice at one time). I guess you could say I was not to thrilled having to lecture a 50 year old man about how he too can lose everything he ever worked for, and he needed to grow up (for himself, IF NOT FOR OUR SMALL CHILDREN).
Satan called me at 11:00 and informed me that he wasn't picking his children up today. GREAT! I guess mothers don't need a break? It really must be nice to be able to pick and choose what times are convenient to be a parent. By the way, his drunk a$$ was calling me at 3:45 AM night before last......turns out he wrecked his truck (08-Diesel, which was nice at one time). I guess you could say I was not to thrilled having to lecture a 50 year old man about how he too can lose everything he ever worked for, and he needed to grow up (for himself, IF NOT FOR OUR SMALL CHILDREN).
Saturday, January 2, 2010
My kids have a love/hate relationship, potty issues
Funny how when my babies are home together they beat each other down, take each other's toys, make each other cry, poke, pinch, hit, kick, bite, scratch, pull hair, knock each other down, I mean anything you can think of......they do it, smugly!!
So it makes me wonder why, when they are seperated for even one night, they walk around this house aimlessly asking where the other is.... Last night Sissy went home with my sister....So Bubby was here alone this morning. He constantly talked about Sissy, asked where she was, made me show him pictures of her and when I did he beamed with happiness!
I realize now that all kids must go through this same thing, as I did with my siblings too. I am finally glad that I had my babies so close together, they are like twins, and they really have each other to lean on! I think about how alone one of them would be at a new sitter by themselves, or having to go visit Daddy twice a week and endure his craziness alone? It is like they have a built in support system to get them through the hard times. I just don't know what I am going to do when Sissy goes off to school without Bubby.... What will he do with himself? Do any of you out there in bloggy land have any stories like this?
Now on another note, WTF am I going to do about Potty Training? Sissy is 3 years old and refuses (absolutely acts horrified) to "go" anywhere put in her pull-up/diaper! Now you have to imagine having a conversation with a 3 year old, and she is VERY articulate.....she started talking at 9 months! So she can argue and debate with me like an adult. So here I am offering her everything (bribery has failed), begging, even threatening her, but nothing works! And Bubby being a man of few words just says NO and that's that. Am I going to have the only children in the universe to be starting kindergarten in diapers?
So it makes me wonder why, when they are seperated for even one night, they walk around this house aimlessly asking where the other is.... Last night Sissy went home with my sister....So Bubby was here alone this morning. He constantly talked about Sissy, asked where she was, made me show him pictures of her and when I did he beamed with happiness!
I realize now that all kids must go through this same thing, as I did with my siblings too. I am finally glad that I had my babies so close together, they are like twins, and they really have each other to lean on! I think about how alone one of them would be at a new sitter by themselves, or having to go visit Daddy twice a week and endure his craziness alone? It is like they have a built in support system to get them through the hard times. I just don't know what I am going to do when Sissy goes off to school without Bubby.... What will he do with himself? Do any of you out there in bloggy land have any stories like this?
Now on another note, WTF am I going to do about Potty Training? Sissy is 3 years old and refuses (absolutely acts horrified) to "go" anywhere put in her pull-up/diaper! Now you have to imagine having a conversation with a 3 year old, and she is VERY articulate.....she started talking at 9 months! So she can argue and debate with me like an adult. So here I am offering her everything (bribery has failed), begging, even threatening her, but nothing works! And Bubby being a man of few words just says NO and that's that. Am I going to have the only children in the universe to be starting kindergarten in diapers?
Friday, January 1, 2010
Most eventful decade of my life, and my first decade as an adult.
Well, all the blogs (or most) I have read have been remembering the year (month by month) or even going as far as remembering the decade. I decided I would "follow the herd" (an old saying my grandfather used to say to us.....but he always said don't follow.....I digress).
Personally, as I look back now, I have had some major sh*t happen in my life during this decade!
2000: I was 20 years old, I worked 12 hour shifts at a vehicle mixing center as the "Operations Clerk." I continued to date a major loser who cheated non-stop, ignored, and abused me. I got my first place, it was a duplex, it was not the best, but it was clean and nice, and the best part, MINE. Got my first dog that was all mine her name was HOLLYWOOD, she was the greatest! I raised her from 5 weeks old, she was my "first child!" We were inseperable.
2001: The big 21! Met an older guy off the internet, started dating him (sporadically), learned he was married months later. Also continued seeing the the loser so he could continue to make me feel worthless. Got a new job with "State Government" took a slight pay cut, but had better benefits, was closer to home, and normal work hours. Moved in with said loser to be further humiliated and abused. The neighbor to loser shot and killed her because she escaped from me and crossed over onto his property, I was devastated. I buried her on losers propery, had a tombstone made (during this time loser was out with his ex gf and had no concern for my situation).
2002: Met a new guy....dated for a few months until he dumped me, then went back with loser, started having lots of health problems, declared infertile, high blood pressure, insulin resistance, continued weight gain...... At the end of this year I had to have my gallbladder removed. I had always been heavy throughout my life, but at this point in my life my weight had soared to 369 pounds....Yes you read that right! Moved into my own place again.
2003: At 23 my life changed drastically. I had the gastric bypass surgery in October, by the close of this year, I had lost over 100 pounds.
2004: In May I met a new guy (Satan). I fell madly in love and stopped seeing loser for good! Satan showered me with love and attention and lots of gifts! He was older than me (21 years) and he was at the end of a divorce. He told me he had finally found what he was looking for in life. He had tons of money, his own home, new vehicles, everything I could have ever dreamed of. I finally saw how love was really supposed to be...easy...and for the first time since I was 17 I didn't have to take care of myself. Moved in with Satan in November....got a ring for Christmas (Past, Present, & Future). Got promoted and started a new job also in December.
2005: Spent the first 3 months decorating, painting, and re-doing my first real home.... As I finished the last room in March the house burned down! Nothing left but bricks and studs. Everything I ever owned in my life was destroyed. Moved in with Satan's parents (OMG).. Got proposed to in April....one week later (April 30th) eloped to Tennessee and tied the knot. Inherited 4 step children ages at the time 25 (same as me), 24, 21, & 13. Learned how hard it is to be a parent to a live in 13 year old that wasn't mine. Had plastic surgery in June to remove some of the excess skin my body was left with after losing over 200 pounds. Moved back into house in July....It was so perfect, I got to pick everything. It was MY HOUSE, designed exactly how I wanted it! In October I had another plastic surgery for the remaining skin, had breast implants (seeing as I was left with NOTHING but hanging skin in their place).
2006: Got promoted again to an even better job, started January 1st. Started infertility treatments....got pregnant by IVF March 1st. Started having horrible headaches. Baby's due date was November 22nd, had Miss Presley Nicole 5 weeks early on Ocotber 16th (5lbs 3oz., 16 inches long--she was tiny, but had a FULL head of hair)...Learned what it was like to really be a mother, and how much love you can feel for a child. Also found out what it was like to be exhausted and frustrated and scared to the point of tears, and I learned that 15 year old boys (stepson) can be very jealous and hateful towards a new baby. This year we also started going to chuch and I found a new exciting FAITH I had never experienced before. Satan & I started praying together as a couple, it was great!
2007: Returned to work after maternity leave. Stayed torn between work, baby, husband, and my whole less was full of guilt. Missed 3 periods, took 3 pregnancy test that all came back negative, found out by blood test from the doctor in early May that I was pregnant AGAIN! And was already getting ready to start my second trimester!! Continued to have the horrible headaches (which doctors told me would go away after pregnancy was over)! Gained a ton of weight, craved everything salty, stayed swollen! Had several pre-labor scares starting at 16 weeks--lasted the whole time. Mister Dylan Justice was born 6 weeks early on October 11th (5 days before Miss Presley turned 1, so she had no 1st bday party) he was 4 lbs. 9oz, 17 inches--he was tiny too....but also had a full head of hair! I learned what it was like to have a sick child....he was so early he couldn't breathe on his own and he had to stay in the NICU for 12 long days. I also learned the ugly truth about Post Partum Depression and how dangerous it can be for 2 infants......and how women who normally have it together can now go a week without showering, and can not want to be near either of their children. I also learned a new and more deep sense of exhaustion, and finally learned how to put Miss Priss to bed and close the door and let her CIO (cry it out) when she was 14 months old and getting up more often than the 3 month old. This year I also had my tubes tied to prevent any more unexpected blessings!!!!
2008: Again returned to work at the first of the new year. Had my wisdom teeth removed. Left work the last day of January on medical leave to give into my PPD. Staying home at this time with 2 infants 24/7 was not the best idea. Slept the days away, wallowed in my own self pity and filth! Went deeper and deeper into the BLACK HOLE of depression! It consumed me. In June of this year I had enough and returned to work. Found out in July that Satan had been having an "emotional affair" with the town's only hair stylist. Moved out, into a small house with the 2 babies, felt a sense of empowerment for the first time since childbirth. Went back to Satan in the middle of August after he begged and promised for 6 weeks. Quit my job at the end of August upon Satan's request (so we could work on our family). Had a great 2 months, felt like we were on the right track, finally. Went to our "preacher" for some counciling. A few months later after I left work, again I fell into a deep depression! Found out in December that Satan had started a romantic, physical affair with the gas station attendant. Packed up his clothes and put them outside. Cried for weeks......Lost 40 pounds in less than 3 weeks. Couldn't eat or sleep. Continued to have the horrible headaches. OOps did I forget to mention that my aunt died the day after Thanksgiving (my favorite and closest aunt) November 28. And my Mamaw (practically raised me) died one month to the day later December 28! I could say this was the worst year of my life....unless since it was so close to 2009--we can consider it the worst?
2009: In January, I met my new and current BF at Wal-Mart (feeling unusually brave I left a note on his truck, he called). We talked on the phone all night that night. Went out with him the next night. Have spent every day since then together. In February I moved out of my home with the babies. Spent the next 4-6 weeks staying wherever we could (no job or money at this time), started getting child support in March. Got a place to live in March, found a bigger and better place in May (moved again, and we are still here). All this year I have been trying to get over Satan, trying to make a new life.....Have continued to talk to him off and on (whenever he will give me the time of day). Went to court off and on. In September I was awarded "maintenance" which is alimony in KY. I took a tax class....which I later learned was for the company's way to gain business, and nothing ever came of it. Have decided to go back to school (since I can't find a job). I have also experienced the "terrible two" stage with the little girl, funny thing, one day she snapped out of it, now guess what? little boy picked up right where she left off, so now we have another year dealing with him!! Sometimes I want to RUN AWAY, but I am still here. I am the only thing stable my kids have ever known, and I want to keep it that way!!!!
OK, so this is what has been going on with me in the last 10 years. Between 2002-2008 I had 6 surgeries and 2 babies! In 2008 I lost the 3 most important people in my life all at the end of the year (all 3 within 1 month) My aunt, my Husband, and my Mamaw. I have grown (and shrunk, LOL) a lot.....made some mistakes, still make more mistakes......yet some mistakes never seem to teach me what they should!!!
Here is to wishing 2010-2020 is a better decade.....I am hoping my 30's will prove to teach me even more. And with that wisdom, maybe I can settle into a "life" I am happy with. I have learned one important lesson.....The only thing you can expect is that everything changes with time, nothing is ever a guarantee.
Expect the worst, but hope for the best!!!!!!!
I hope you all have continued or even better happiness than the day before!
Tomorrow I may borrow some questions I have seen others answer, and take a stab at them....it looked like fun!
Personally, as I look back now, I have had some major sh*t happen in my life during this decade!
2000: I was 20 years old, I worked 12 hour shifts at a vehicle mixing center as the "Operations Clerk." I continued to date a major loser who cheated non-stop, ignored, and abused me. I got my first place, it was a duplex, it was not the best, but it was clean and nice, and the best part, MINE. Got my first dog that was all mine her name was HOLLYWOOD, she was the greatest! I raised her from 5 weeks old, she was my "first child!" We were inseperable.
2001: The big 21! Met an older guy off the internet, started dating him (sporadically), learned he was married months later. Also continued seeing the the loser so he could continue to make me feel worthless. Got a new job with "State Government" took a slight pay cut, but had better benefits, was closer to home, and normal work hours. Moved in with said loser to be further humiliated and abused. The neighbor to loser shot and killed her because she escaped from me and crossed over onto his property, I was devastated. I buried her on losers propery, had a tombstone made (during this time loser was out with his ex gf and had no concern for my situation).
2002: Met a new guy....dated for a few months until he dumped me, then went back with loser, started having lots of health problems, declared infertile, high blood pressure, insulin resistance, continued weight gain...... At the end of this year I had to have my gallbladder removed. I had always been heavy throughout my life, but at this point in my life my weight had soared to 369 pounds....Yes you read that right! Moved into my own place again.
2003: At 23 my life changed drastically. I had the gastric bypass surgery in October, by the close of this year, I had lost over 100 pounds.
2004: In May I met a new guy (Satan). I fell madly in love and stopped seeing loser for good! Satan showered me with love and attention and lots of gifts! He was older than me (21 years) and he was at the end of a divorce. He told me he had finally found what he was looking for in life. He had tons of money, his own home, new vehicles, everything I could have ever dreamed of. I finally saw how love was really supposed to be...easy...and for the first time since I was 17 I didn't have to take care of myself. Moved in with Satan in November....got a ring for Christmas (Past, Present, & Future). Got promoted and started a new job also in December.
2005: Spent the first 3 months decorating, painting, and re-doing my first real home.... As I finished the last room in March the house burned down! Nothing left but bricks and studs. Everything I ever owned in my life was destroyed. Moved in with Satan's parents (OMG).. Got proposed to in April....one week later (April 30th) eloped to Tennessee and tied the knot. Inherited 4 step children ages at the time 25 (same as me), 24, 21, & 13. Learned how hard it is to be a parent to a live in 13 year old that wasn't mine. Had plastic surgery in June to remove some of the excess skin my body was left with after losing over 200 pounds. Moved back into house in July....It was so perfect, I got to pick everything. It was MY HOUSE, designed exactly how I wanted it! In October I had another plastic surgery for the remaining skin, had breast implants (seeing as I was left with NOTHING but hanging skin in their place).
2006: Got promoted again to an even better job, started January 1st. Started infertility treatments....got pregnant by IVF March 1st. Started having horrible headaches. Baby's due date was November 22nd, had Miss Presley Nicole 5 weeks early on Ocotber 16th (5lbs 3oz., 16 inches long--she was tiny, but had a FULL head of hair)...Learned what it was like to really be a mother, and how much love you can feel for a child. Also found out what it was like to be exhausted and frustrated and scared to the point of tears, and I learned that 15 year old boys (stepson) can be very jealous and hateful towards a new baby. This year we also started going to chuch and I found a new exciting FAITH I had never experienced before. Satan & I started praying together as a couple, it was great!
2007: Returned to work after maternity leave. Stayed torn between work, baby, husband, and my whole less was full of guilt. Missed 3 periods, took 3 pregnancy test that all came back negative, found out by blood test from the doctor in early May that I was pregnant AGAIN! And was already getting ready to start my second trimester!! Continued to have the horrible headaches (which doctors told me would go away after pregnancy was over)! Gained a ton of weight, craved everything salty, stayed swollen! Had several pre-labor scares starting at 16 weeks--lasted the whole time. Mister Dylan Justice was born 6 weeks early on October 11th (5 days before Miss Presley turned 1, so she had no 1st bday party) he was 4 lbs. 9oz, 17 inches--he was tiny too....but also had a full head of hair! I learned what it was like to have a sick child....he was so early he couldn't breathe on his own and he had to stay in the NICU for 12 long days. I also learned the ugly truth about Post Partum Depression and how dangerous it can be for 2 infants......and how women who normally have it together can now go a week without showering, and can not want to be near either of their children. I also learned a new and more deep sense of exhaustion, and finally learned how to put Miss Priss to bed and close the door and let her CIO (cry it out) when she was 14 months old and getting up more often than the 3 month old. This year I also had my tubes tied to prevent any more unexpected blessings!!!!
2008: Again returned to work at the first of the new year. Had my wisdom teeth removed. Left work the last day of January on medical leave to give into my PPD. Staying home at this time with 2 infants 24/7 was not the best idea. Slept the days away, wallowed in my own self pity and filth! Went deeper and deeper into the BLACK HOLE of depression! It consumed me. In June of this year I had enough and returned to work. Found out in July that Satan had been having an "emotional affair" with the town's only hair stylist. Moved out, into a small house with the 2 babies, felt a sense of empowerment for the first time since childbirth. Went back to Satan in the middle of August after he begged and promised for 6 weeks. Quit my job at the end of August upon Satan's request (so we could work on our family). Had a great 2 months, felt like we were on the right track, finally. Went to our "preacher" for some counciling. A few months later after I left work, again I fell into a deep depression! Found out in December that Satan had started a romantic, physical affair with the gas station attendant. Packed up his clothes and put them outside. Cried for weeks......Lost 40 pounds in less than 3 weeks. Couldn't eat or sleep. Continued to have the horrible headaches. OOps did I forget to mention that my aunt died the day after Thanksgiving (my favorite and closest aunt) November 28. And my Mamaw (practically raised me) died one month to the day later December 28! I could say this was the worst year of my life....unless since it was so close to 2009--we can consider it the worst?
2009: In January, I met my new and current BF at Wal-Mart (feeling unusually brave I left a note on his truck, he called). We talked on the phone all night that night. Went out with him the next night. Have spent every day since then together. In February I moved out of my home with the babies. Spent the next 4-6 weeks staying wherever we could (no job or money at this time), started getting child support in March. Got a place to live in March, found a bigger and better place in May (moved again, and we are still here). All this year I have been trying to get over Satan, trying to make a new life.....Have continued to talk to him off and on (whenever he will give me the time of day). Went to court off and on. In September I was awarded "maintenance" which is alimony in KY. I took a tax class....which I later learned was for the company's way to gain business, and nothing ever came of it. Have decided to go back to school (since I can't find a job). I have also experienced the "terrible two" stage with the little girl, funny thing, one day she snapped out of it, now guess what? little boy picked up right where she left off, so now we have another year dealing with him!! Sometimes I want to RUN AWAY, but I am still here. I am the only thing stable my kids have ever known, and I want to keep it that way!!!!
OK, so this is what has been going on with me in the last 10 years. Between 2002-2008 I had 6 surgeries and 2 babies! In 2008 I lost the 3 most important people in my life all at the end of the year (all 3 within 1 month) My aunt, my Husband, and my Mamaw. I have grown (and shrunk, LOL) a lot.....made some mistakes, still make more mistakes......yet some mistakes never seem to teach me what they should!!!
Here is to wishing 2010-2020 is a better decade.....I am hoping my 30's will prove to teach me even more. And with that wisdom, maybe I can settle into a "life" I am happy with. I have learned one important lesson.....The only thing you can expect is that everything changes with time, nothing is ever a guarantee.
Expect the worst, but hope for the best!!!!!!!
I hope you all have continued or even better happiness than the day before!
Tomorrow I may borrow some questions I have seen others answer, and take a stab at them....it looked like fun!
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