Been a long time....

Just wanted to update anyone out there that still follows me, lol... It has been  a long year, there have been bitter battles and tragedies.... but lots of good things have happened to us too....

• I let go of the guy I had been with for 3 years, back in December... He was a good guy, he just wasn't for me... I didn't feel like it was fair to either of us to keep going when it wasn't leading anywhere. It was hard to give up the "security" he offered to me and the kids (and the fact he loved me with all his heart), but I decided I wanted to be happy, not "content" for the rest of my life... And in order to be happy, I had to learn to stand on my own 2 feet for a while...
• The same "good guy" I metioned above swore he wanted to be in my kids life forever (since he knew them from 1 and 2 years old)... He was picking them up or stopping to see them a couple of times a week, then one day every other weekend, then nothing at all.  Needless to say, he has a new girlfriend and has moved along... Leaving the kids to wonder why he doesn't see them anymore.
• My stepson, whom I met when he was 13, and was my first ever experience with parenting, died in April. He overdosed on drugs.. He was walking the same path his father did before him. That hurt a lot... even though we had our differences, he was still like a son to me:( We burried him beside his Dad... (remember, he got killed last year).     
• I battled my ex's bank and his estate until a month ago... They finally settled with me for $125,000. They had to buy me out of the property since he and I had never settled it. Thank you GOD!! Now I'm gonna buy me and my kids a house!!!
• The "new wife" who wrecked my life (along with him!) was married to my ex for 103 days, she didn't get a dime... OH, YOU SWEET, SWEET KHARMA!!!!
• There was a few guys I dated, nothing ever came of it.... I was living the single life for a while... It wasn't so bad....
• I met a man that I am really liking... He has been through the same divorce drama as me... He has 2 boys that are 10 and 15... They are great kids... Hard not to love them already... He treats my kids like they are his own... Their behavior has improved 100% since he came around... But he rewards them for good behavior, and is showing me how to be a parent again (I kinda gave up for a while)... We laugh all the time, we go places together, seems like we have the same goals in life... I am hoping he is "the one." I am tired of feeling alone... I had felt that way for almost 4 years... Not to mention I think he is a total HOTTIE:)
• But....he is kinda jealous....Like he thinks I'm going to do him like his ex wife did... Hopefully in time that will get better?
• My baby girl will be going to Kindergarten this year... I have mixed feelings about that... She seems so little, yet so grown at the same time!!

Here are some pics:)

just as expected....

So many things going on around here....

Tuesday we had his "visitation."
Wedesday, the funeral.

I told the babies.... They don't really understand....
Baby girl has said, "I want to go to Heaven right now so I can be with my Daddy."
Little man said, "We will see him one day in Heaven. When I see my Daddy I am going to hug him on his face."

They CONSTANTLY talk about their Daddy. Saying they miss him, love him, etc. They ask me why I am sad, or why I cry because Daddy is in Heaven. I have kept it simple, no details. Every night before bed we all look up to the sky and wave and talk to him. They feel like he is watching over them, which I think helps to comfort them.

And as always, there is DRAMA! The new wife has filed a wrongful death suit. Of course we all saw that coming. If she can make one last dollar off of him it will be all the better for her. She sent her lawyer here to get me to sign something. He said it was on behalf of my kids, BUT it was really a paper that would get me to waive my rights, so they could proceed to settle his estate (half of which I remain listed on as owner). They don't realize that I AM NOT STUPID!

His oldest 2 sons are going around to all his farms stealing anything and everything they can get their hands on to sell, pawn, or use as scrap (to sell at the scrap yard).

His oldest daughter has started a law suit of her own. Every which way I turn someone is trying to make a profitt from his death.

Since we were in the process of settling our divorce, my name was never removed from the deed or mortgage of the farm we lived on. I have every right to EVICT her! Guess what I am going to do today?? Yep, I am going to hand deliver an eviction notice to her. I refuse to let her sit there in that house that the bank is going to hold ME responsible for! The only bad thing? I have to give her 30 days:(

The bank is going to come and take it all anyway because he was so far in debt... So it isn't as if I am going to gain anything from still being on the property.... I will just be able to remove her (which is satisfaction enough!).

He had some life insurance, which still had her name on it. She gets half, my kids get the other half. I have no idea how much it is, but it doubles because it was an accident. She has said "when I get my check I am out of here."

My kids will get a really awesome amount of social security benefits every month until they are 18. So that is a good thing. It is more than double what I should have gotten in child support...

For every cloud there is a silver lining. I am hoping this cloud will have one too. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers......

Bad news.....

My ex-husband passed away last night. It happened around 1:30 a.m. He was hit by 2 cars, while walking down the road. The doctors/surgeons/nurses/and staff worked on him for over an hour.... He got a pulse back 4 times, but finally the injuries consumed him.
I am sort of in shock right now! I can not accept that he is gone, I am afraid it will kill me.
How do you tell a 3 and 4 year old that their Daddy is gone forever? How will they ever know him the way that he used to be? Back before the drugs, when he loved us so much, when he doted on them and said how they were the 2 most beautiful babies he had ever seen? How will they ever know? How will I ever live with myself after all the bad things I said?

He said to me once, not too long ago, "If anything ever happens to me, will you tell them babies how much their Daddy loved them, will you tell them good things about me, do you promise?" I promised him I would. I promised him I would tell them about the man I once knew, all the good things we shared.

Anytime I ever asked him what was the best day of his life he would say, "the day Miss Priss was born, because things were so good back then."

I just want him to come back. I want all this to be some kind of awful joke. I want to wake up from this nightmare.

I have had a few spells here and there, but honestly, I don't think it has hit me yet. I packed his boots, a hat,  and a bag of cut up clothes out of the hospital tonight..... It is the most awful feeling ever.

P.S. If any of you have anything negative to say, don't. I can't handle it. This was my husband, and is the father of my kids. He deserves some respect now that he is gone.

Sunshine and Rainbows.....

Everything here is sunshine and rainbows. I have never been happier:) (see the happy face?)

Perfect, perfect, perfect.

*P.S. I have some oceanfront property for sale, in my back yard, if anyone is interested.

I have tried to write this post about 5 times, then erased it. I am just f*cking tired!
Tired of talking about it.
Tired of living it.
Tired of worrying about it.
Tired of nobody giving a flying f*ck! (courts don't care, unless you have $$)
Tired of the system failing me! (supposedly my kids are not in immediate danger, and I can not legally stop my ex from getting visitation, per my lawyer, AND social services)

Take it as you will................

I'm out.

DO OVER!

I just wanted to take back my last blog post... We are going to pretend all this other shitty shit isn't happening.

So, guess what everybody? Yesterday (it is now 1:00 a.m. the day after my birthday), was my birthday. It was A-mazing! My boyfriend, being true to the wonderful guy is, bought me some fabulous flowers. See...

I happen to think they are BEAUTIFUL.... And I can't wait to use the new food processor he placed in my lap after I sat down. *He remembered how I said I wish I had one so I could make homemade peanut butter:) I also got to pick what I wanted for dinner (it was yummy), and of course he served it up on a plate for me, with extra butter for my broccoli. We will have to eat some cake tomorrow... Poor guy got sick to his stomach and had to lay down:(

I hope this man knows just how much I love and appreciate him. He takes all the crap we deal with in stride and has done everything in his power to take care of me and my kids, while making me smile along the way. I just realized (after dealing with Satan and his crew today) how much I love him:) There is something extra special about this one of a kind man, and I need to hang on with both hands!!

Monday night when I got home from the store he had been cleaning the house from top to bottom. He was folding and hanging up laundry, washing the dishes, and picking up toys. As soon as I pulled up outside with groceries, he ran outside to help me. He told me to go inside and sit down, that I had done enough because I went to the store and loaded them in the truck. Say what? Is this kat for real??

Wonder why it took up until now for me to see this? He has been this way all along...

I will leave you with a picture of my sweetie pie... I didn't mean for my mug to be in the picture, but the other pics of just him, taken with my old SLR camera were to big to load up. We took this pic with my phone around Christmas time last year.

And below is the trampoline he put together, by himself, in the bitter cold, and snowy weather to appease "our" kiddos that were to excited to wait!! He said I didn't need to be outside, that I would get sick. So me and the kids watched from the window. I did make him some hot chocolate and made him come in to take some breaks along the way.

And finally, our pretty tree. We put it up while the kids were at Nana's. It just didn't feel like Christmas until I saw the twinkling lights of the tree.

*My sister gave us this beautiful tree!

Happy Birthday to me:(

Today is my 31st birthday. Who knew I would be spending it at the bank....

*I want to add a note in here.... I am sorry if I haven't commented much or responded to comments/emails. First off, my computer froze up about 4 days ago (the dish on top of the house froze solid, who knew?) and I have never caught up.

But on top of that, there is more CRAZY ex-husband drama. Seems as if his new wife is taking him us on a little ride.....He is just finding out about all this after he got released from the hospital.

• She has taken $15,000 out of his bank account (while he was in the hospital)
• She sold his cattle (well, most of them) and put the money in her separate bank account (while he was in the hospital)
• She ordered a new modular home, in his name. They called him today to confirm the purchase. They acted as if he was there with her (so she had someone with her who said they were her husband), she did this on November 20th (way before the hospital incident)
• She went to pick his medication up on Sunday night, told him they wouldn't give it to her, then he found the empty bottle (called the pharmacy and they said she picked it up)...... She has been passed out for the last 2 days..... His son confessed and told him that she split them with him. The medicine was a mild sedative they gave him for his withdrawals... But she has been taking them in handfuls.

You may be wondering how this all affects me.... Well, our divorce was bifurcated (see attached explanation of that word) *Sometimes in divorce trials, divorce and property settlement are separated. Bifurcation can be used to accelerate the end of a bad marriage, and it prevents one spouse from using time as a weapon against the other; by the same token, it results in two trials, and it can take away the incentive to settle economic issues. Moreover, bifurcation is always more expensive than a single trial. (From: divorcerate.org)

This basically means my name is still on all of his CRAP! And, Since he is in the throws of foreclosure and bankruptcy, and my name was on all of his liens, equipment, mortgages, etc. (totalling up to $700,000) the bank will not release me from that debt. Even though we are divorced and he is remarried. The new wife is not responsible for any of that old debt (I am... even though he kept ALL of the property and such, I am still 1/2 in on the debt!!!). If When he has to file bankruptcy, that will wreck my credit even further (even though I had nothing to do with him blowing all of that money over the last 2 years!). I think this is B.S.! They spent all of that money, but it wrecked my credit. There are so many liens on the stuff now, there was nothing left to divide, the bank owns it all. If he had not blown all that money, I should have gotten $100,000 cash for my part (add up the income that came in during our marriage, take off the debt, split what should have been equity/cash value). But I got nothing, my kids got nothing. They drug our divorce out so long, they blew it all.

*Up until today, I had just accepted the fact that I got nothing... I wasn't going to cry anymore over spilled milk. But now, she took the last little bit that was left (the money set aside for living expenses/child support), and sent him further in debt.... sent ME further in debt.... I see that as money taken directly away from my kids. It will take a long time for him to  He will never get caught up enough to pay me anything (child support)...

I tried to tell his dumb a$$ that this woman was not to be trusted... What did he do? He married her. I was wrong about the day they got married too (when her name was on his insurance cards back in June, that was just their way of cheating the insurance company). They have only been married since October the 9th. So in less than 2.5 months she has cleaned him out!!! IMAGINE THAT!

Now I don't have to worry about him being "crazy" and not being able to pay me.... She just stole it all, so he can't pay me now either, even though he is better (about 80% better that is, he still isn't all there).
I am really starting to think that this b*tch did poison him, and was trying to kill him, or at least to get him put away in the hospital so she could finish cleaning him out (remember she bought the modular home back on November 20th before he got crazy). She is also his beneficiary on the NY Life insurance policy for $300,000 (I didn't know this until today, it was supposed to go directly to my kids to raise them, in case anything happened to him).

Am I in a lifetime movie?? It never f*cking stops, NEVER!  

It never can just be "it."

In my last post I talked about the crazy a$$ phone call I got from my Ex husband's new wife. I know people think I am just "hatin' on her" because she is a home wrecker and screwed my husband while we were married is with my ex... But really, I think she has mental problems.

True to every other occasion of drama, the phone call I received from his wife, on Thursday, was not the end of the story. It can never just be "it" or enough, there always has to be some big crazy episode to top it off.

Today my ex called me to ask me why I called his wife to stir up trouble. I was like what do you mean, I didn't call her, she called me. Come to find out, in her true psycho ways, she made up a story to tell him where he would be upset with ME, again. I kind of knew it was coming (she has done this before, actually, she has done it every time I have ever talked to her, that is why I hardly ever look at/speak to her).

He was demanding answers and an explanation of why I felt the need to call her and tell her all "that stuff"..... Here is what I was accused of:

• Giving her a "list" of women he cheated on her with (wasn't she the one telling me she caught him with 6 different women?)
• Telling her that he was plotting to get rid of her and her daughter
• Talking about him like a dog (I basically talked about my kids/his mental state/his drug abuse)
• Saying I slept with him at the hospital (GROSS! Not only is that LOL funny because well, it just is, but he was "crazy" and in the hospital for shits sake, and there were cameras in his room to make sure he didn't kill himself)

I can't remember a lot of the conversation.... I was too upset. I even made the BF tell him that yes it was her that called here. She talked about 100 miles an hour and I basically said uh huh, yeah, or I know. You can't usually get a word in edgewise with her anyway. She does good with the talking, and answering herself as she goes along. I finally told him to ask her wtf she said and leave me out of it.

What p*sses me off the most? She acted like she was my BFF when she had me on the phone. She started the phone call by asking me how he acted while I was at the hospital, and she said if it would help him to have someone familiar around then she was all for it. She also said she had my child support and would be willing to meet me somewhere to give it to me, and she had Christmas presents for my kids, and that if we "came together" we could work the situation out and figure out a way to let him have visitation without taking the kids for extended periods of time......

I have tried to understand why she does this. I have never known anyone like her. I don't even know if she does it on purpose or if she just lies so much she believes herself? Or if really she has some kind of mental condition. I can not imagine anyone in their right mind acting this way.